463, 680 minutes.
That’s how long we waited to find out whether Jon Snow was dead-dead or going-to-be-brought-back-to-life-dead.
We looked for clues. We speculated. We argued. We followed Kit Harrington to the ends of the earth.
We checked his Instagram daily for…um…clues.
But no one knew. No one knew for sure whether Jon Snow was dead for good until yesterday at approximately 11:59am Australia Eastern Standard Time, or Sunday night in the States.
This was always going to be a problem. Because the funny thing about 11:59 am is that IT’S 11:59 AM AND EVERYONE IS AT WORK.
Only a tiny demographic of people are watching Game of Thrones at 11am on a Monday. Stay at home parents perhaps. Shifts workers. Uni students who decided to stop going to Uni. The unemployed. Oh, and apparently JOURNALISTS who intend to ruin everyone’s lives so early in the goddamn week.
We can understand publications from the States writing about Game of Thrones, for an audience who just watched it too. But Australian publications? Who the hell are you writing Game of Thrones recaps for? And why are you poisoning our Facebook feeds with your unwanted, unsubtle clues?
It started innocently enough.
We all knew Game of Thrones had happened.
News.com.au posted matter of factly, “Game of Thrones recap: Season six, episode two.” “Okay”, we thought. “We won’t click on that. We haven’t seen it yet!”
But then things turned a bit more sinister. ‘SPOILERS AHEAD’, read the headlines. Wait a second… there’s really only one spoiler we’ve been holding out for…
Look, we're no Einstein's, but there's something about the words "fate of Jon Snow" that gives away, well er, everything.