Image: Sex and the City
Masturbation. Flicking the bean. Shucking the clam.
Whatever you call it, a lot of women are doing it — even as you read this! — but we don’t seem to talk about it all that much. Which is a shame, because something that’s so natural and good for your health shouldn’t be a taboo.
Considering we’re entering the last week of Masturbation Month, it seems only appropriate to, erm, dive into the topic by sharing a brilliantly cringe-worthy true story. In a video series for Refinery 29, women have been divulging why they masturbate, how they think we should be talking about it, and best of all — their most awkward encounters. (Post continues after gallery.)
One of the women, Betsy, shared the sordid tale of a shoulder massager that became a family heirloom… but not in the traditional sense. It all began when Betsy’s father was given a shoulder massager from her grandmother, which Betsy soon discovered a new use for.
“I was trying it one day and then I started playing with it. I put it in my pants. Then it was time to go to college and I took it with me. I lived in a suite with three other girls,” she recalls. So far, so… cringey. You know where this is going, don’t you?
“I came back from class one day and they were sitting there watching TV. I had left it on my bed and one of them was just, like, using it. They were all using it as a body massager. I couldn’t tell them that I was using it to masturbate because I was embarrassed, so I just let them play with it forever, for the rest of the year. Then it became the dorm room’s body massager after it had been my little naughty secret vagina massager,” Betsy continues.
We haven't enjoyed a story about finding new uses for household devices this much since Mia Freedman wrote about her son using a foot skin shaver to mutilate trees and desks at school. Hilarious.
In conclusion, Betsy's dad's body massager endured quite a journey, exploring many bodies (and orifices) along the way.
"So the massaging wand went from an 'as seen on TV' ad, to my grandmother, to my Dad, to me, to my vagina, to college, to four room mates, plus friends that would come over, plus maybe even my room mates figured out another use for it and it was also their little personal massager for their vagina, which makes me feel very uncomfortable now that I think about it," she says. (Post continues after gallery.)
Well, Betsy, sharing is caring.
We'd love to hear more awkward or hilarious masturbating moments, so if you're feeling brave submit yours in the comments below. You can do this anonymously, of course.
The Refinery 29 series also asked women why they masturbate, and their answers were bang-on, proving women do it for the same reasons men do — pleasure, fun, and to feel good.
"I masturbate because I'm stressed out; I have a lot of things going on in my life," one woman says. "It feels good. I'm a horny woman and I'm allowed to masturbate, so I do," adds another.
And, as a third woman points out, sometimes it's merely circumstantial. "If there's a really great Nicholas Sparks movie and the hands start to tingle, I just go for it," she says. Preach.
Do you have any cringe-worthy tales to share?