This article originally appeared on Francis F's Substack, A view from here . Sign up here.

As a female in midlife going through a divorce seven years ago, no one tells you what to expect. I mean, why would they? Everyone's story is different, isn't it? But one thing no one warns you about is how friendships change and invitations stop.

You prepare yourself for the legal battles, the tough conversations, the emotional upheaval, the heart-to-heart with the kids, but you don't expect to lose your friends too, just when you need them most.

It wasn't always like this.

Watch: How to support someone going through a separation or divorce. Post continues below.

When my mum became a single mum of three in the late '70s and early '80s, she had a tight-knit group of friends in the same boat. They leaned on each other, helped with childcare, shared dinners, and built a real sense of community. People truly looked out for one another. I remember so many holidays as a child, surrounded by my siblings, my mum, her friends, and their children. Those were some great memories.

Fast-forward to 2018, when I found myself in the same position, everything had changed. Society had become more individualistic. People were more scattered, friendships felt different, and everyone was busy juggling work and family. The strong support networks my mum once had simply weren't there anymore.

Instead of coming together, it felt like everyone just got on with their own lives and didn't really care.

Friends you were once close with, the ones you did 'couple activities' with, went on holidays with, shared dinners and BBQs with, and hosted dinner parties for. The ones you had picnics with, arranged playdates and adventure park outings with.

But now, those same friends begin to distance themselves, and you're left feeling isolated and rejected. And you don't even know why.

Except you do. It's because you're divorced.

Now, I'm not even talking about losing the friends of my ex-partner, because, of course, you lose them too. That's a double whammy. But what really stings is losing the friends I considered mine, the ones I had known for years, the ones I did all those 'couple things' with.

Well, guess what? Now that I'm no longer part of a couple, I don't get invited to those things anymore. And in the beginning, that hurts. You start to feel bitter (and a bit twisted) not because you want to, but because, instead of getting the support you desperately need, you feel left out. You're suddenly on the outskirts, looking in. And it makes you feel pissed off.

Why did this happen? It brings all sorts of paranoia, something you really don't need when you're already navigating a divorce or separation.

Was it something I said? Something I did? Did they just prefer me as part of a couple, and now they don't know where I fit? Or worse, am I suddenly a threat? Do they worry I might steal their husbands now that I'm single?

Please. As if! No, thanks!

I'm not saying I lost all my friends. I still have some good ones, friends I grew up with and those I met when the kids were little. But they're all married, and naturally, I no longer do 'couple things' with them.

I also started noticing that I wasn't invited to social gatherings that involved mostly couples. Would I have even wanted to go? Probably not. I would have been the odd one out, the third wheel. And to be honest, I'm not sure if I'd have liked that either (well, that is what I told myself back then, even now to a certain extent).

So it's no surprise that feelings of loneliness and isolation crept in as my social circles shrunk post-divorce.

Why does this happen? Is it the social stigma of being a divorcee? Do married friends worry that my separation might somehow affect their own relationship?

Are people afraid of the so-called 'social contagion' of divorce? I wasn't just imagining it, studies have shown that divorce can be contagious within social circles.

Research suggests that divorce can spread within social circles. One study even found that having a divorced friend increases an individual's likelihood of divorce by 75 per cent. And if it's a friend of a friend? The risk is still 33 per cent. . Will I lose more friends when they read this?

Maybe, on some level, people fear that by staying close to someone going through a divorce, they're exposing their own marriage to cracks they'd rather not face.

Or maybe it made their relationships grow stronger, seeing what I was going through?

The emotional toll and the self-doubt that crept in during those early days made me question myself. Did people only want to be around me when I had my other half there, too? Did they like him better and just tolerate me?

Life's gotten harder, more complicated, and a bit smaller.

What's really sad, though, is that I never built a social circle of single mum friends, especially ones whose kids were the same age as mine. Being an older mum didn't help either. I had my first child at 36, and on the pregnancy paperwork, I was officially labelled a 'geriatric' mum. I kid you not!

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As my kids get older and need me less, I've started expanding my social circles. I now have at least six single friends to hang out with, and over time, I've become more comfortable being by myself. Although, if you've read my dating diaries, you'd probably think I'm desperate for a man's company!

But occasionally, I can't help but look back on those days and wonder, where did those friends go? And while I've moved on, I can't say I've forgotten. So please, if you have any single friends going through a divorce or separation, keep inviting them, to that BBQ, to family picnics. Check in on them, offer a little support. You never know when you might need that support in return.

This article originally appeared on Francis F's Substack, A view from here . Sign up here.

Feature Image: Canva.