As told to Ann DeGrey

I met Maria* five years ago when our kids were in primary school.

The girls became good friends, and it just felt easy to be friends with her as we had so much in common, and it was great knowing our kids got on so well. Neither of us were working back then, so we started doing everything together, like playdates, after school pick-ups and weekend picnics.

I'd have her over for dinner pretty often, because she was a single mum and I knew she didn't have much support. So it just felt natural to have her as part of our family.

I thought Maria was such a great woman and when things in my marriage started to fall apart, she was the person I really confided in.

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My marriage didn't end suddenly. It was one of those slow-burning situations where you don't even realise how bad things have become until you're years in. My then-husband, Nick*, wasn't physically violent, but he was controlling.

He'd monitor my spending and make me feel guilty for wanting anything for myself. He'd often belittle me in front of others, then tell me it was just a joke. He could be charming in one moment and icy cold in seconds.

That kind of emotional and financial abuse leaves you confused more than anything because you keep wondering if things are really that bad, or if you're being dramatic.

Maria was so good to me during this time. She'd say things like, "You don't deserve this," and "One day you'll leave and look back and wonder why you stayed so long." I knew what she was saying was true.

I felt really lucky to have her as a friend and thought she had my own best interests at heart. She made me feel very seen, which I certainly didn't get from Nick.

Eventually, I did leave, but it took years to work up the courage. When I broke up with him, he was furious. Suddenly, he had no control of me. He threatened to "take the girls" away from me, but I knew that couldn't happen.

I remember calling Maria from the car telling her it was done. She told me she was proud of me.

But then she started pulling away. She stopped responding to messages as quickly as usual, and she made excuses when I suggested a coffee. I assumed she was struggling with something herself, but it still hurt that she was clearly not as involved in my life anymore.

I was worried I'd done something wrong. I replayed conversations, wondering if I said something that upset her. Then, I gave up messaging her because it was too upsetting to receive no reply.

Then, about four months later, Maria called me, saying she wanted to tell me something before I heard it from someone else. She was dating Nick.

I didn't know what to say. I think I managed something like, "What?" She talked quickly, saying they'd reconnected unexpectedly, that they had chemistry, that "things between you two just didn't work but maybe this is different."

I hung up on her and cried. I'd not only lost my marriage, but now I'd lost one of my closest friends to the man who had been so nasty to me.

I felt so very stabbed in the back by her. I would never have done this to her, if our positions had been reversed.

But I also told myself that karma will probably be involved soon. I knew Nick wouldn't stay very nice to Maria for very long.

Five months passed. Then one morning Maria messaged me asking if we could talk. When we met, she looked incredibly stressed. She told me Nick had become cruel and abusive. That he had isolated her from people and turned cold whenever she tried to express her feelings.

She said she felt like she would prefer to be single again. She cried and said she should have listened to me.

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There was a part of me that wanted to say, "I told you so!" But I also knew that she didn't need a lecture. She just needed empathy. So I just told her I'm sorry she went through that, which is true because I do feel very sorry for her. I wouldn't wish what I experienced on anyone, not even someone who hurt me.

We're definitely not friends anymore.

I'll always be friendly when I bump into her, as we live nearby. But I'll never try to be close to her again.

I genuinely hope she heals and finds her person, someone who treats her well. But I also know I deserve friends who don't disappear when I'm going through personal turmoil.

*Names changed to protect identities.

Feature Image: Getty (Stock image for illustrative purposes).