“Yes, I do want to to go to dinner, I also want to go to the cabaret show, and the weekend away, and the sky-diving lesson…”

My mouth is saying ‘yes’… Meanwhile, in my head, I’m desperately budgeting, adding up numbers, calculating the number of days till my next pay. Wondering how tacos and beer are going to affect my weekly spend. Wondering if it would be social suicide to just have the tacos? Or just have the beer?

If you’re young and living in a city, you are an expert at spending money. If you don’t have dependents or major financial responsibilities, youcanhave beer and tacos on a Tuesday. You can have shots of vodka till 5am on a Saturday. Or decide, spontaneously, because-we’re-only-25-once, to go for a road-trip and rent a hotel room for the night. Nothing is stopping us from doing any of these things… until the bank card is declined.

That, right there, is usually an issue.

I can’t do it any more. It’s really, honestly, I’m-hearing-my-dad’s-voice-in-my-head-and-I-don’t-like-it, high time I sorted out my finances. I am a MASSIVE avoider – the type of money personality that justisn’ta money personality. Anything to do with finances, I don’t want to know about it – unless it’s good news, but (let’s be honest) it neverisgood news when you’re a young person, with no dependents, living in a city where you’re an expert at spending money.

I have to wonder why this financial divide has happened in the first place. Are my friends experts at spending money, don’t care about spending money, and I’m falling behind? Are they climbing the career ladder and getting really good at tearing up those new and improved salaries? Or worse, are their parents secretly helping them out financially and they have a quiet stash of cash to spend? Whatever the reason, I’m getting left behind and I’m going out only to spend money I don’t have.

That’s why I’ve had to start saying ‘no’. ‘No’ to the cabaret show, the weekend away, the sky diving.

Here’s what I’ve discovered:

It’s all about the endgame

Maybe you’re saving for a trip overseas, or amoveoverseas. Maybe you’re looking at house prices, or to buy a car. Maybe your goal is too pay off debt, or to start saving in general. Whatever it is, if you have a long-term financial goal, those dinners are going to get easier to turn down and the tacos-minus-beer combination won’t seem like such a let down.

Sharing your financial goals with can help keep you accountable – they’re not going to let you forget it, particularly when you’re saying ‘no’ to split bills – and can also help them understandwhyyou’re saying no to splitting that bill. Go into detail, discuss with them the anxiety you’ve felt bynot addressingyour finances. Share with them the logistics of how, when and why you want to organise your finances. And offer alternatives. Suggest a BYO restaurant, a picnic in the park, a walk on the beach, a free event or a walk-around at the markets.

When I go out I buy kids meals.– Sophie, 26.

BYO…obviously. – Sam, 23.

I’d usually be honest and say I’m trying to save money so can we do x instead. But if I feel like I have to lie a little bit I’ll just say, ‘I’m saving for a trip’. –Annie, 26.

Nah, I just say, guys, I’m really pov right now, can we just go to someone’s house? –Jess, 24.

I keep suggesting really cheap stuff. Like…going to their house for dinner. – Kate, 27.

I always suggest pre drinks at mine. –Dominique, 24.

Hello DUMPLINGS.– Natalie, 26.

Kids meals on the reg… via GIPHY Or you could alsonotsay it:

Sometimes, if i have to cancel a dinner reservation at a restaurant, I pretend my husband is a doctor and tell them he’s been called to emergency surgery.– Ally, 34.

I usually just tell them the kids are sick and I can’t make it.– Jo, 37.

I have never said it outright, but when we’re deciding what to do I try to guide the plans towards something more affordable. –Carly, 25.

I always say I have a family event… “Sorry guys, I forgot I’ve got my cousin’s christening that day”. (Also, I’m ethnic so it’s totally believable that I have a million cousins who need to be christened this year.)– Nikkie, 29.

Get money smart (AKAstop avoiding)

As well as getting out of social occasions, it’s a good idea to start optimising your money-spending habits to reach your end goal (I hate to break it to you, but simply buying kids meals isn’t going to cut it if the end-goal is living in America).

For this to work, it’s a good idea to set up an emergency buffer – becauseyou know yourself.There’ll come a night where you’re out, and you’ve been sosogood with money until this night. There are drinks flowing, shots of tequila on the table, and all of a sudden you’re thinking“I’ve been so good, I’m having so much fun, this round’s on me! And the next, and the next…”

Note to self: Shots can also be done at home. via GIPHY

Because you know there’ll be these times, (and also because you’ll likely face more ‘responsible’ contingencies, like a car service or insurance payment), an emergency buffer is absolutely essential in making your savings work.

Find a budget plan that works for you. Investigate all the ways you can enjoy time with your friends without breaking the bank. Be honest with the people around you – so they’re aware of, and can support you, in achieving your savings goal. Remember, wealth doesn’t equal worth and take note of this wise, wise gem:

Savings is a massive thing for me this year and my mantra has been fewer, bigger, better. I try and skip the small stuff, or, things that I’m not genuinely excited for, but make sure that when I do go out or get involved in something I do it properly. I guess it’s quality over quantity? –Mary, 28.

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