real life

"I saw my friend’s husband on an online dating site".

“I saw my friend’s husband on Tinder.”

Tinder has been dubbed (mostly by people in our office) as the socially-acceptable dating app you’re not ashamed to tell your friends and colleagues about. But a study has found the newest Tinder trend is marriage.

Global Web Index has found that one-third of all users on Tinder are, in fact, married. Makes you wonder what your spouse is doing on their phone in bed, hey?

This story is about a woman who found her best friend’s husband on the dating app. And it’s got a less-than-usual ending.

I saw my friend’s husband on Tinder.

On the couch with my PJ’s on, I commenced what has become my nightly routine. Swiping through the world of Tinder. I was about thirty swipes in when I stopped, finger poised over the image of the guy in the grey t-shirt and familiar cheeky smile.  Taking my time, so that I wouldn’t accidently swipe the wrong way (as I’ve done many times before) I opened the profile and began to read the bio.

‘Friendly guy, enjoys the outdoors, movies, travel and cooking. Looking for great girl to date.’

I re-read it four times then swiped through his other photos at least ten times. Sick with nerves, I realised it was definitely him. My friend’s husband.  I re-read the bio making sure I hadn’t missed something. What exactly, I wasn’t sure. But there was no mention of his marital status.

I had just seen him and his wife two days ago at a picnic and as far as I knew they were together. Married for six years, I couldn’t understand why he would do this and if she had any idea at all.

I brought up her number ready to call when I stopped. What on earth was I going to say? ‘Hey, did you know your husband is on Tinder?’ I dropped the phone and turned the television on. I’d had enough reality for one night.

What a truly awful Tinder date looks like, in Tweets.

The days that followed were plagued with thoughts about my Tinder discovery. When my friend rang for a chat, I practically jumped out of my skin and made a ridiculous excuse to get off the phone.

I found myself burdened with knowledge I desperately didn’t want to have. Am I meant to tell her? Why would he put himself on a public site when he is married? Why would he do that to her?

At a mutual friend’s birthday dinner, there was no avoiding him or her. I arrived and took a seat at the other end of table and did my best to keep the conversation and eye contact limited. They laughed and chatted, held hands and looked deliriously happy. He appeared to be totally unaware that I was in on his dirty, little secret and that I was finding it hard to stomach my pasta cabonara.

“I had just seen him and his wife two days ago at a picnic and as far as I knew they were together. ” Image via iStock.
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I needed advice. Without giving any specifics about the situation, I asked various friends for their opinion. The survey results were decidedly split. Half in the ‘stay out of it, it’s not your business’ camp, the other half in ‘It’s your moral obligation to tell your friend’ camp.

The next time she rang, she demanded I tell her what was going on and asked why I had been acting so strange lately. I had made a decision. If it were me, and someone had seen my husband looking for a relationship elsewhere I would want to know.

And so, I told her.

It was an awkward, hard conversation. I explained how much I had thought about it and how conflicted I felt to tell her, not wanting to interfere but also wanting to be a good friend. Mostly, I was concerned for her and how she felt about it.

“If it were me, and someone had seen my husband looking for a relationship elsewhere I would want to know.”

Her response was not what I was expecting.

‘I wondered when you would see him on it. We both use it. It’s something we wanted to try…to see other people.’

I was shocked to say the least and somewhat relieved not to be the bearer of the bad news.

She went one to explain that it’s an easy way to connect with other people, without having to go to a noisy pub.

‘Absolutely,’ I agreed, still trying to wrap my head around it.

I hung up wondering what other out-of-the-box reasons people are using online dating? And should I be including a question about relationship status along with ‘what are your hobbies? And do you like traveling?’ to my potential suitors?

Even though I realise this is a one-off, the world of online dating continues to expand in directions I never even considered. It’s not only changing the way we date but also our relationships. I have no idea what else I’m going to encounter during my online dating adventures, I’m just really hoping I don’t come across this situation again.

For more on the topic of online dating…

Presenting the celebrities who are actually on Tinder.

What a truly awful Tinder date looks like, in tweets.

12 stupid mistakes people make on Tinder.

Miss Wooable is a hopeful single looking for love and exploring the world of online dating. She blogs about dates at: www.wooable.com.au

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