couples

"My bestie's children ruined our friendship."

We used to be incredibly close and now it’s just not the same.

My friend has become the most mundane person on the planet since she had her two children.

I know I’m going to cop a lot of flack for the comment, but it’s true.

We used to have so much in common and since she’s had children and I’ve decided that I’m not ready to yet, the distance between us has continued to grow and grow.

We’ve know each other since we were teenagers and grew up with each other. We’ve always been incredibly close and have always been involved in each other’s lives. But then as soon as she fell pregnant, everything changed. She expressed her fear about becoming a mum to me and I did my best to give her advice and support her.

She had a fairly rough pregnancy and had issues with her newborn daughter for the first few months. She wasn’t sleeping and her husband did shift work so wasn’t around much to help.

"She had a fairly rough pregnancy and had issues with her newborn daughter for the first few months."

I can imagine how difficult it would have been. But as much as I tried to be there for her, she increasingly fell off the radar. We didn’t really stay in touch for a few months which bothered me but I assumed she was just getting into the groove of becoming a mum.

That’s when she fell pregnant with her second. And the whole thing just started over. After a solid year or so of only communicating on social media, we finally found time to see each other. This was when her second child was a few months old.

She doesn’t drive and had been complaining to me that she never gets out of the house because it’s too hard with the two kids. I offered multiple times to drive and get her out but it just never seemed to happen. So I suggested I just go over and visit.

I thought it would be a good opportunity to catch up, so I was a little bit taken a back when she suggested that I bring my sister and her kids. She said it was so the kids could all play together.

Okay, right.

"That’s when she fell pregnant with her second. And the whole things just started over."

My older sister and I went over with her daughter to visit. When we arrived it was as though I didn’t know her. We had nothing to talk about and it was like meeting someone for the first time. She talked more to my sister than what she did to me. They just talked about their kids.

The entire time.

I was so frustrated after we left. What had happened to my friend? The person I used to laugh and joke with? Go out to parties with? Talk until the odd hours of the morning to?

She had been replaced with a nappy changing, spit covered woman who could barely string a sentence together unless it had to do with her newborn. It kills me that just because my husband and I aren’t at the stage where we want to have kids yet, all of a sudden my best friend has disappeared.

What would you do if you were in this situation with a friend of yours?

This writer is well-known to iVillage Australia but has requested to keep her identity private. If you have a dilemma that you would like advice about, please email [email protected] with Don’t Judge Me in the subject field. You will be contacted before publication, and your identity will be protected.

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