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French parents attempt to name their baby Nutella. Judge rules "Non."

French Women don’t get fat.  French Women don’t get facelifts. And now, French women don’t give their babies stupid names.

In what is possibly the most stylish and sensible news of the day, a French court has refused a couple who wanted to name their child Nutella.

The parents presumably wanted to hold the baby close and whisper: ‘I love you, Nutella” – a sentiment we fully understand. But as the judge pointed out, the child will be teased for having a seriously stupid name. And so it was deemed  “contrary to the child’s interest” to be called after this delicious hazelnut spread.

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But I have some questions that the judge failed to ask:

Did the parents really think long and hard about the name?

What if Nutella was a bullying little shit?

Then the world would know phrases like “I HATE Nutella”.  “I NEVER want to see NUTELLA again”.  Or the worst, “Nutella called me fat.”

No one wants to think about Nutella on the potty, Nutella in the bath, Nutella needing it’s arse wiped, Nutella picking it’s nose and wiping it on the couch. Nutella belongs in the cool dark of our pantries, or in a spoon, travelling towards our open mouths. End. Of. Story.

NOT SO SWEET NOW ARE YOU NUTELLA.

Another French couple were refused permission to call their child “Strawberry”.

The couple had said they wanted to give their daughter “an original name not in use”.

We feel you.  That’s how the names ‘Braig’ (a cross between Brian and Craig)  and ‘Haley-Bacardi’ (a cross between a sort-of-girls-name and a rum-based drink) were born.

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But the French said NON.

Seems those saucy francophiles use the word ‘strawberry’ in a nudey-rudey way.  ‘Move your strawberry’ is French slang for ‘Move your bottom’. So naming your kid Strawberry in France is the equivalent of naming your Australian kid “Arse.”

Sweet little Arse on the potty.

With parents searching for more unusual monikers, naming their offspring after everything from TV show’s to body parts, there has been a crackdown on crap names.

Two years ago, New Zealand rejected names that were punctuation marks,  so parents of baby “Fullstop”, “Brackets” and “Semicolon” had to choose something else. And last year, Victoria’s name police said no to “Fireman Sam”, “Princess Diana” and “Tit”.

Princess Diana’s parents would be nervous about her travelling in a car.

The Births Death and Marriages Registration Act prohibits names which are obscene, offensive, too long, or contain symbols such as an exclamation or question marks.  Names that “cannot be established by repute or usage”, or are “contrary to public interest” are also banned, as well as any name containing an official title or rank recognised in this country, like King, Lady, Father, Sir or Admiral.

This means Nutella and Strawberry might not be welcome in France but they could have a pretty sweet life in Australia.

Mamamia contacted the Department for a verdict on Nutella.  The name, not the spread.  We also requested a list of the baby names that didn’t quite make it.  We’re waiting to hear back…

The latest baby name trend? Give your child a name that belongs in a retirement home.

What’s the most unusual name you’ve heard? Go on. Spill.

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