Cara always had an idea about what her family would look like, but life had other plans.

She married her high school sweetheart, Luke, in 1998, and the pair had always dreamed of building a large family; they both came from one and knew the joy siblings could bring.

But tragedy struck early.

"We lost three of our children to a genetic disorder when they were between the ages of six months and two years," Cara told Mamamia.

While grieving the loss of their second child, Cara and Luke started contemplating whether foster care was a viable option for creating the family they had always wanted. Luke himself had grown up with foster siblings.

"We sort of thought, 'Look, maybe foster care is something we could do. I'm a mama without kids. There are kids out there [that need care],'" Cara explained.

"We've got love to give, we've got a happy home. Maybe this is a way that we can give back to kids who are in need."

That was 16 years ago. What began as a way to navigate their own grief blossomed into a lifelong mission to give children in need a loving home.

Today, Cara and Luke are foster carers through not-for-profit foster family agency Wesley Mission — with their "permanent" household including two biological children, three children they adopted from foster care, and a 20-month-old boy recently placed into their long-term care.

Cara and Luke. Image: Wesley Mission.

What fostering actually looks like day-to-day.

Most parents know there's no such thing as a truly "normal" day with kids. For Cara, unpredictability is amplified; children come and go, and no two days look the same.

"It's definitely louder and crazier and wilder, it's less predictable," she admitted. "We homeschool, so we do a lot of play-based learning, and honestly, day-to-day they just join in with our family, and they do what we're doing.

To temper the unpredictability, Cara and Luke include their entire household in the decision-making process. Recently, when a call came in about potentially placing three siblings in their home, the family talked it through together.

"My little girl, who is one of the three we adopted, just straight away said, 'Yes, of course. Well, you did that for us, we can do that for them,'" Cara shared. "It brought tears to my eyes. They understand the compassion and the 'why' behind the heart, and they were really excited to bring them into our home."

This sense of community is vital for everyone.

"I just love that about my children, it's also their journey, and they're so receptive to the children that we bring into our home," she said.

"I feel like it's part of their healing journey as well, and part of them healing the kids. They have ready-made playmates as soon as they come into the home, they've got a ready-made family, people that just love them for who they are. I love that we can do that for those little people."

'Loving fiercely, holding loosely.'

One philosophy has guided Cara through the immense joys and challenges of fostering: love fiercely, hold loosely.

Foster placements can last a weekend or several years, and children may return to their parents or move to relatives. That uncertainty is part of the job.

"We love them as if they're our own," Cara said. "We treat them like part of our family, but knowing full well that, one day, we will get the call that they may get restored to their parents, or, if they can't go back home, there might be an uncle or aunt that they get to live with."

A common worry among prospective carers is "getting too attached." It's a valid concern — the idea of pouring your heart into a child only to watch them walk out the door feels like a recipe for heartbreak. But Cara firmly believes getting "too attached" is part of the job.

"That's what these children deserve," she said. "They deserve someone who's going to love them with everything they've got because they haven't experienced that. We're the adults in the picture, we can cope with saying goodbye later. It's not okay to hold yourself back from a child needing that safe place."

Sometimes, goodbye doesn't mean the end of the connection forged.

"We're still in touch with a lot of the kids we've looked after," Cara added. "They just move on to the next step of their journey, and you get to love them in a different way."

What Cara wishes more people knew.

The need for foster carers in NSW continues to grow. Many children enter care unexpectedly, and placements can range from emergency stays to long-term arrangements.

Another misconception Cara often encounters is that foster care always means a full-time, years-long commitment.

"You can start little, without having to open your home 24/7 all the time," she said, explaining that respite care — looking after a child for a weekend or short period — can be a valuable way to support other carers while getting a feel for the experience.

Cara urged people to research their options before jumping into foster care feet first.

"Chat to some agencies, see if you can chat to some other foster carers, and just talk through their experience," she said.

"Fostering is hard work. It's not always roses, there's definitely some thorns but it's also very rewarding."

For Cara and Luke, one of the biggest differences has been partnering with Wesley Mission. For the past three years, the organisation's 24/7 support and dedicated case manager guidance has meant they never feel alone when caring for children.

"What I really love about Wesley Mission is that you're really part of the care team for the child, so your opinions matter," she said. "In our time before Wesley Mission, I had felt very much just like the babysitter at times, and I had no idea what was going on.

"Wesley recognises you're likely the one who knows the child the best, because you're seeing their day-to-day and you're there for everything."

After 16 years of charting this path, Cara said there's one big lesson fostering has taught her.

"Life is fragile," she said. "We all just need to be loved — everyone deserves to be seen and loved, and held."

Learn how to become a foster carer with Wesley Mission.

Featured image: Wesley Mission.

IN PARTNERSHIP WITH Wesley Mission

Right now, children across NSW need safe, caring homes and foster carers are urgently needed. When you foster with Wesley Mission, you're never alone. The support they give foster carers includes a dedicated case manager, a 24/7 support line, help navigating the system, respite care when you need a break, and a connection into a community of other foster carers who are there to support you. With more than 130 years of experience supporting vulnerable children and young people, Wesley Mission is there every step of the way so you can focus on what matters most: providing stability, care, and love.

Learn more about becoming a foster carer today.