Dear men: Foreplay begins in the morning.

According to Wikipedia foreplay is defined as, “a set of emotionally and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity”.

A few years ago my friend and I were discussing sex, how often we have it now we have children etc. She said something interesting, “foreplay begins in the morning“. I had no idea what she was talking about. Does having something stabbing in your back at 5am count? No, it doesn’t.

Men have a different outlook on what “foreplay” is. How long it should last for and what it is. No, I don’t enjoy my boobs being squeezed, mainly because I’m breastfeeding and it’s just weird now. A slap on the bum when I walk past my husband is alright. Does that mean I’m looking alright in the light? But, it’s still not foreplay.

Squeezing my boobs won't cut it.

Ok men, listen up. If you want to impress your wife and be in her good books, you need to do a thing or two for her. These things may include, but are not limited to:

  1. Making your wife a coffee/smoothie/lemon water whatever she likes in the morning;
  2. Make her a piece of toast and/or whatever she likes for breakfast;
  3. Pick up your clothes off the bedroom/bathroom floor; and
  4. Actually have a conversation with your wife.

For me, and for many women, it's more about the things you do to help me. Look at it this way, if I, pissed off, had a bad night with the kids there is no way I'm going to want to give up my precious sleep. But, you want things a little bit easier for me, show appreciation, things may just change. It is also nice to be kind to your wife - so it's a win/win.

Watch the video below to see the last texts our team received from their partners. (Post continues after video)...


Things are different now fellas, we don't want some quickie in between wiping asses - surprisingly enough that isn't going to get us to the finish line. It may have been different before kids, but shit is real now. Women need something more and when you are married and have kids we don't have time to make it all about you and your ego. I'm sorry mate, but there is no faking it in my household. I do enough pretend play during the day with my kids, I don't need to at night also.

Yes, we all have a hard day. May that be at home with the kids or at work, but we shouldn't and I won't stand for fake sex. Maybe when you were younger and you were on a mission to christen every surface in your house - but now, I'm more than happy to have where I prepare our dinner to where my clothes come off to be two completely different places. Why? Because I'm petrified my kids will wake up and walk into the kitchen, but we have a lock on our bedroom door.

post baby sex
Get kinky in the bedrom. Image via iStock.

Women (usually) take longer to reach orgasm than men, that's just us - sometimes we don't get to reach it at all. Why? We need more attention downstairs. So, get to know your lady's vulva. It could be the best thing you ever do. You want to have sex more? Great, do something about it. Turn Netflix off. Go to Costco, buy some coconut oil, take turns at massaging each other. Go downtown and embrace each other - you can even listen to Macklemore... Get back to the bedroom. Just because you have kids it doesn't mean you don't have sex. How did the kids get there in the first place?

How often do you have sex with your partner?