It started with my desire to have soft, smooth feet.
Even though it’s winter and my feet are pretty much hibernating in my shoes, far from the human gaze, I still want them to be soft so I use one of those Pedi Paddle things every couple of weeks and put foot cream on at night whenever I remember.
I once read an interview with someone from Sex & The City and they mentioned that Sarah Jessica Parker is obsessed with filing her heels to remove all the dead skin. Apparently SJP used to file her feet almost obsessively. Every day. When you’re wearing Manolos and Jimmy Choos in the same way most of us wear Uggs and Havaianas, I guess foot maintenance is a priority.
I like foot files. I do. It’s always pleasing to get rid of all that dead skin, isn’t it? So I was an easy target for that new foot filing gadget that’s been advertised lately. The one with the foot model? You know, this thing.
I love a gadget and lord knows I’m as lazy as. So this looked really promising.
Shopping at Woolies a few weeks ago, I saw it displayed in the beauty section and chucked it in the trolley. Why not. I got it home, worked out how to turn it on and then gave it a red hot go. The results were mixed. It sort of turns your dead foot skin into a very fine powder that then floats up like a kind of cloud. A dead skin cloud. There is no effort involved. Like none. All you have to do is be careful to keep it moving and not stop in any one spot for too long or... I don't know... maybe you accidentally file your foot down to bone.
After doing both feet and washing off the dead skin dust from my feet, I put my new beauty gadget away with all my other beauty gadgets and didn’t think much of it until a couple of weeks later, when I found it in the pocket of my 5-year-old’s school shorts. This was confusing. When I asked him about it, he confessed immediately, in the adorable way of 5-year-old boys who haven’t yet learned to lie effectively.