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The 'perfect' date that proves exactly why dating sucks.

First Dates is back, and the first episode was as discouraging as it was entertaining.

For every “I feel like you should be on this date with my mother” moment, there was real laughter, and big smiles and sweet jokes about sharing a zucchini entree.

One date in particular, was the one all of us wanted to be on.

Partly because Clare felt instantly like a best friend. You really want her to be happy and you also know no partner will ever be as golden as her.

The bartender from First Dates shares all the secrets from behind the scenes of the show.

She describes herself as “a bit of a Peter Pan”. She confesses her problem is she talks too much and “says everything really quickly”. She wants someone “happy and fun and motivated and who embraces all my quirks”. And she laughs in a way that makes you join in, even if you don’t really find anything remotely funny about “all the guys who don’t have jobs in Bryon Bay” – the town she’s lived for seven years.

Clare is your instant best friend. Image via Channel 7.

Then came Aaron. He's from the Gold Coast and tells us how Gold Coast girls are "often pretty focused on themselves". (Rude - I'm from the Gold Coast and I'm extremely interested in all the ways my friends make me happy.)

Stereotyping aside, he has a great smile. He laughs at himself. And he's after someone who's "got a lot of quirks and not too shy".

(Please, Married at First Sight experts take note, this is a match made in blind-dating-on-reality-TV heaven. They're going to get married. For real married.)

Aaron. Image via Channel 7.
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Clare arrives early like the super chill and not-down-to-play-games gal she is, and sits at the bar. She orders a wine and asks the bartender about what makes good first date conversation. He pauses in the middle of drying a glass and drops the line: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"

This guy, he's seen some things.

Aaron arrives and the pair share a sweet moment where they both confess they're nervous but she's the only one with a wine glass in front of her and maybe if it were evened out, the nerves might subside a little. (Does the bartender think he's only there to give genius one liners?)

Their laughter continues as Aaron tells Clare where he lives and assures her he's not a "GC bro". She laughs and asks to see his full-sleeve tattoo.

Banter. Laughter. Paying each other out already... This is going perfectly.

Clare and Aaron . Image via Channel 7.
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They sit down, "take the plunge" and order food. Clare makes a joke about the waiter's accent and they decide sharing a zucchini entree is a good thing. (This is definitely a euphemism and we are loving it.)

Then, they get all the 'firsts' out of the way.

They have their first deep-and-meaningful.

"I'm going to be straight," Aaron begins. "Byron is like Neverland. Most people I know who move to Byron seem like they're running away from something. Were you a runner?"

(Yes, that's also a reference to Peter Pan. Yes, that's proof their life together would be a fairy-tale.)

Our Big (Big) Little Lies Bonus. Post continues below.

They have their first awkward argument.

Clare says she's been house-sitting by herself and finding it difficult. Aaron says she needs to do things, like puzzles, to keep herself occupied... Clare thinks this is hilarious and Aaron is offended.

"What kind of puzzles do you do, Aaron?" she laughed.

"I thought you'd say, 'You need to go out and do funky things' but you were like, 'You gotta make sure you have puzzles'."

(Yes, she just laughed in his face. Yes, she also used the word 'funky'. It's official, she is my actual best friend.)

He did not like it...

"What puzzles? Did someone say puzzles?" Image via Channel 7.
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They also got their first 'lie' out of the way... (Aaron said he wasn't much of a drinker but that he also only likes spirits???)

And they did their first tequila shot together.

There was no doubt - no doubt - there'd be a second date. Until this happened...

"Yes I think I'd like a second date.... wait, WHAT!!??" Image via Channel 7.

Clare confirmed she was keen to see Aaron again before her face became the one we all make when we know something real awks is about to go down. Aaron had... paused.

Finally, there was this: "I think you're awesome, but I felt for me there wasn't a spark."

Aaron did it gently. Softly. He obviously felt bad, but not so bad that he might consider putting his 'sparky' feelings aside and mending the hearts of all of Australia.

This is why dating sucks.

This is why there's no hope for any of us.

This is why when we think we're onto something, we so often get scared and freak out and become weird, game-playing, can't-show-any-emotion, everything-phobes.

If we're honest with ourselves... Aaron gave it away at the start of the episode. "I consider myself to be funny and I'd be worried if she was funner than me. Like, what if she's funnier than me?" he told the cameras.

THAT IS WHY. Clare is funnier than Aaron and the perfect date could have had a perfect ending, if he weren't so caught up in his ego about being a comedian. Ugh. Never dating again.