I was in my 50s when I realised that my long term, close to 30-year marriage was ending badly. I knew I had to get out. I also knew that if I ever wanted to experience love, and I mean the “real thing,” before my life was over, I had work to do.
I put myself through a five-step process to get where I wanted — in love, living each day with more joy than I ever thought possible, remarried and very happy. You can too. Here’s how:
1. Make a choice to move forward and clear your past.
Firmly decide that you really want to find true love. That means no equivocation and no waffling back and forth. It won’t happen if you’re uncertain. If you want it, decide it, declare it and take claim of it.
Then, clear out your past so you can move forward. That means clearing out all the memorabilia from past relationships. Let the stuff go. Throw it away or have a ceremony with it if it’s hard to do. It also means you stop talking about the past.
By doing these things, you’re wiping the slate clean. You’re clearing out your resistance and opening a pathway for a new person to come into your life.
2. Create a new image of yourself, inside and out.
Let’s start with your appearance. Look in the mirror and smile. Have you seen that lately? What will give you a lift and make you smile more? Decide to create and put forward a positive new image of yourself. Go for the new clothes and haircut. Simple things can make you look and feel fabulous.
Look around your place. Could it use a lift too? Maybe some new pictures, flowers or colors? Have fun with this. Do what makes you happy. (Post continues after gallery)
The internal changes are equally important. This involves turning the lenses of your perspective so you see your strengths instead of looking at all the “bad things” you’ve dealt with.
Notice your intelligence, integrity and grit — all the qualities that have brought you to this moment. Recognise your incredible talents, gifts and assets. Admire yourself and do it regularly. You’ve got to affirm the person you want someone else to love.
Now, create internal excitement with fantasies of your perfect love. Imagine all the details focusing on the thrilling feelings you want. By mentally preparing yourself for something great, you’re paving the path for it to come to you.
3. Reflect what you want to attract.
Someone told me to make a list of the 50 qualities I wanted in a love mate. I included the things I like to do that I wanted to share with someone special. I dug into the internal traits more than the external ones — the ones I knew would make my soul happy.
Then came the clincher: I realised that I had to reflect what I wanted to attract. If I wanted someone I could admire, I had had to have admirable qualities too. This is when it got interesting.
I went through my list again. I couldn’t ask someone more responsible, responsive, loving, kind, generous or interesting than I was myself. I had to step up my game. I realised if I wanted someone with skills I didn’t have, I had to admire, adore and support those skills.
Attracting and finding true love isn’t a passive process. It’s a soul-searching decision. You have to give as much as you want to receive. You have to evolve into the type of person you want to attract. (Post continues after gallery.)
4. Get out and have fun.
It’s a no-brainer; you’re not going to find love sitting in your place alone. You’ve got to get yourself out there.
You may also need to make new friends. Give this some thought. We choose our friends. Select ones who support the new life you want.
I love music and dancing. I have no real talent for either; it just makes me happy. I had a ball going out listening to music. It’s no surprise that my new husband is a musician. I met him at my own house at a party I hosted — with his band playing!
5. Engage in life and let go.
Once you’ve made the first four changes, you should feel happier. When you’re enjoying yourself and are engaged in your life, you have more internal and external congruency. You've become like a beacon of light that attracts people to you. Now you can stop thinking and worrying about finding love. Just let go and have fun. That’s when it can float in!
These five steps may take a little while to fall in place, but I promise they're the changes that will bring you a lifetime of joy. Take as long as you need. You're so worth it.
This article was first published on Your Tango. Read the original article. For more information on Connie's coaching and classes on these topics, message her here, or check out Spectrum Transformation Services on Facebook or Linkedin.
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