When *Rihannon's husband began dabbling in crypto trading a few years ago, she thought it was a harmless interest, spurred on by the podcasts and YouTube content he'd been consuming.

"I used to tease him about becoming a 'crypto bro'", she laughs, "but it didn't bother me. He was transferring a small amount each week into an online crypto wallet, and he'd often come and show me how much it was growing, or how much some specific coin had jumped or fallen."

Over the following months, crypto began to form a bigger part of the couple's investment strategy.

"We're not rich by any measure, but the financial strains of young kids have started to let up," she explains. 

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"Our kids are in high school, and I wanted to buy an investment property. Marius* told me that if I gave him a year, he could probably grow the crypto investment to a point where we could use some as a downpayment."

And so she did. Marius, who was working hard to educate himself on the market, began making more calculated risks that started to pay off — or so Rihannon thought.

"It's not like he was clueless, in fact quite the opposite," she recalls.

Unfortunately, Rihannon was unaware that his new hobby would eventually end up driving a dark wedge into their marriage: financial infidelity.

"Financial infidelity refers to patterns of secrecy and deception around money within an intimate relationship," explains clinical psychotherapist Julie Sweet of Sydney's Seaway Counselling and Psychotherapy.

"This can include withholding information, lying, or offering partial and fragmented disclosures that create confusion or avoid accountability. It often involves a lack of transparency about finances — such as undisclosed accounts, debt, spending habits, or financial history — effectively hiding how money is managed, both past and present."

"In one week, he made about $14,000. Another week he made $8000," recalls Rihannon.

"It felt incredibly exciting, and I saw a pride in him that had been missing for a while previously."

But Marius' once-conservative approach began slowly to morph into something else.

"He told me he wanted to start making leveraged trades, where it's like 'betting' on the market. I was nervous about it, but we agreed if he transferred the bulk into more 'stable' options, he could play with a small amount on the riskier trades."

This approach also proved lucrative for a while.

"At one point, he showed me his crypto wallet and there was $120,000 in there — when he had started with about $10,000," Rihannon says. 

"I was giddy — we both were. Suddenly it seemed like an investment property might only be the beginning. This could be a legitimate income stream for us."

Then suddenly, Marius stopped sending screenshots of his crypto wallet when his wife would ask for an update.

"I'd read something online about the market while he was at work and text him, asking how our crypto was going," she says.

"He'd write back 'stable' or 'all good' but never sent me a screenshot. Not that I would have insisted on it — I trusted him completely, but it was just odd, considering he usually did before."

Along with this, Marius' mood had begun to shift. He was moody and withdrawn, snapping more at the kids and going to bed early each night.

"I knew something was up with him, but he kept denying it or telling me he was tired from work," says Rihannon.

"Eventually, I asked him outright: was there something up with our finances that he wasn't telling me?"

While Marius told her there was nothing to worry about, he baulked when she asked to look at the wallet.

"Finally it all came out. He'd lost the entire lot by making a simple mistake on a trade."

Marius had entered the wrong digits when setting up a leveraged trade, resulting in the overnight decimation of the funds. Instead of taking the hit, he'd transferred the rest of their crypto — held in another account — to try and save the trade.

It hadn't worked, and he'd lost a lot.

"He was gutted," says Rihannon, "but when I responded with shock, he got defensive and angry. He accused me of only caring about the money, when what I was upset about was the betrayal of him lying to me about it."

"I see the negative impact of this kind of betrayal on couples all the time," says Sweet.

"Trust is compromised, and for many individuals and couples, this breach can feel irreparable. Some people attempt to rebuild, yet continue to struggle with emotional regulation, self-trust, and a sense of safety within the relationship. For others, financial betrayal becomes a deal-breaker, leading to separation or divorce — even in long-term partnerships."

"I saw it as the same thing as sexual infidelity," says Rihannon, "I felt just as betrayed as if he had cheated on me. But Marius couldn't understand why I was reacting in the way I was. He was sorry for having lied to me about it, but in his mind it wasn't as though he'd stolen our money, and he was adamant he could 'make it back'. He sounded like a gambling addict."

Sweet says that the damage caused by financial infidelity is just as devastating as cheating.

"Ongoing secrecy and betrayal can create instability, fear, conflict, and resentment," she says.

"It is frequently intertwined with dynamics of power and control — when financial transparency and equality are absent, the relationship can begin to feel unsafe and imbalanced. These elements can also be present with sexual infidelity, so it's just as damaging."

It's been six months since Rihannon discovered Marius' betrayal, and while the couple have engaged in counselling (as well as an agreement on total transparency with online financial accounts), she says it's created a chasm she's not sure can be repaired. 

"The other day, I asked him to show me his credit card accounts and I went over them with a fine-toothed comb," she says.

"There was nothing untoward, and I could tell he was hurt that I suspected him of more lies, but my ability to trust him has been shattered."

Sweet says that repair in these instances requires significant commitment —and time.

"In my clinical experience, meaningful recovery tends to occur when the person who engaged in the deceptive behaviour takes full accountability and pursues intensive individual therapy — often including work with trauma-informed clinicians and, where appropriate, financial abuse group programs," she says.

"Couples therapy can support the process, yet it is most effective when both individuals are also engaged in their own therapeutic work."

*Names in this article have been changed for anonymity.

Feature Image: Getty.