Grab the garlic, ladies: fertility vampires are apparently here to suck away your baby-making prime years. Horror movie or real-life drama? You decide.
Last week I received a sad phone call from my very dear friend who lives interstate. She was breaking up with her boyfriend. Never much of a fan of him in the first place, I struggled to hide my glee. “Does this mean you’re moving?!” I squealed.
“Maggie. Don’t you understand?” she choked down the phone, “He was my last chance. He was meant to be The One.”
A year shy of 30, walking away from a 6 year relationship in which she had poured her heart (time, money, the list goes on…), welcomed into her circles, and negotiated some pretty major life decisions around, I could see why it felt like the end of the world.
Whilst she couldn’t put up with their crappy relationship a second longer, she also wasn’t ready to face the possibility of entering her 30’s – the baby making years – without a partner.
We all have encountered these men in our life: the ones with stunted emotional abilities. The ones who suffer from failure to launch. The ones who would rather actually suck someone’s blood than sign a rental agreement with you, and freak out at the idea of having their own toothbrush at your house.
A fertility vampire is a certain type of man of who swoops in, snatches your prime baby-making years with false promises, and then flaps off into the night cackling as he munches on your embryos and dreams of white picket fences.
Fertility vampires start off as men with commitment issues, eventually morphing into middle-aged con-artists playing puppets with their partner’s dreams for the future
It was a catchphrase that initially had the feminist hairs on the back of my neck standing
Uh, hello! I thought. What are we, cattle being prepped for mating season? Is this what women are STILL being reduced to? Hordes of children, juicy uteruses, and a faint squeal from atop our gilded tower as those damn men continue to steal away our hopes and dreams?
The whole thing felt a little bit antiquated to me.
And yet. Like any good Libran, I begun to swill the opposing argument around in my mind – maybe it was it possible that the concept of a ‘fertility vampire’ was a valid argument? Premenstrual and emotionally unstable due to the lack of chocolate within grabbing distance, I started to see the light: women want babies. It’s integral to who many women are, and what they want, and what they yearn for. And for many, thanks to shitty men, that’s now not possible.
Now, let’s make a few things clear: yes, there are many amazing men out there that just don’t want kids – and yes, that doesn’t make them evil.