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Should we really be taking orgasm advice from Nicki Minaj?

When it comes to gleaning wisdom from Nicki Minaj, orgasms aren’t the first topic to spring to mind.

Information about the flying status of Starships, sure. Or the fact that anacondas don’t want anything without buns, perhaps (FYI Nicki, Sir Mix A Lot had that covered).

But according to the 32-year-old’s interview with Cosmopolitan – we should be taking notes, because she’s somewhat of a sex coach.

“I have a friend who’s never had an orgasm in her life. In her life! That hurts my heart. It’s cuckoo to me,” Minaj says.

“We always have orgasm interventions where we, like, show her how to do stuff. We’ll straddle each other, saying, ‘You gotta get on him like that and do it like this.’ She says she’s a pleaser. I’m a pleaser, but it’s fifty-fifty.”

And she has strong feelings when it comes to satisfaction.

“I demand that I climax. I think women should demand that.”

So while the internationally acclaimed artist is putting her vagina foot down in the bedroom, should we be doing the same?

Next time we take home a dud one night stand or our partner isn’t particularly hitting the spot, should we be pausing proceedings and reading our rights?

female orgasm
Pull your weight, boys.

The results of Cosmopolitan‘s most recent Female Orgasm Survey (yes that’s actually a thing) showed that only 57% of women usually have orgasms when they have sex with someone. Compare that to their partners, who are apparently orgasming 95% of the time.

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The study– which surveyed more than 2,300 women aged 18 to 40– also found that while 78% of women believed their partners cared about their orgasm, 72% of women still experienced a time when their partner climaxed but made no attempt to help them finish.

According to Planned Parenthood statistics, as many as 1 in 3 women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex. And as many as 80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone.

nickigross

Considering these statistics, the easy answer to the question of whether women should demand orgasms would be yes. Or even an enthusiastic: Fuck yes.

But sexologist and relationship expert Dr Nikki Goldstein isn’t so sure.

“I don’t think it is realistic for everybody, first of all I don’t like the idea of ‘demanding’ because that puts a lot of pressure on our partner and it may not necessarily be our partner’s role to be delivering orgasms,” Goldstein says.

“If you go and demand orgasms from your partner he might lose his erection because he is so stressed and pressured to give you an orgasm, that stress and pressure is stopping him from maintaining a hard on.”

She says this pressure also has a detrimental affect on women too.

“A lot of women are called pre-orgasmic — they haven’t had an orgasm before — and then there are the women who find it a lengthy process to have an orgasm, so saying that you should demand an orgasm every time you have sex or going a step further and saying you should have an orgasm every time you have sex, might also put pressure on women.”

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female orgasm
Success.

So basing the value of sex on the outcome of an orgasm comes with its own implications.

“If we put the pressure on having an orgasm every time we’re less like to have an orgasm because of that pressure,” Dr Goldstein says.

“Maybe you just enjoy touching and caressing your partner, some nights you have an orgasm, some nights you don’t. I think it’s dangerous if you expect to have one every time.”

She also says it’s not up to women to lay back and tell their partners to figure it out – instead, we should be in charge of the ‘pleasure process’.

“I don’t like this idea that men responsible for women’s pleasure, I think we need to take ownership of our own pleasure. When we look at terminology like losing virginity — implying that we lose something when we first have sex with a guy or giving away our flower — that’s where that starts to play on our minds.”

So how exactly do we do this? Dr Goldstein has a few tips.

“That can either mean communicating that with him — saying this is what turns me on — or communicating during the process — ‘you’re getting closer’, ‘maybe you can move here’ or ‘try this a little’. Or it may mean during if you’re one of 80% of women who orgasm via clitoral orgasm you might be incorporating a clitoral vibe into the process somewhere, or it might be your hands that are actually doing the physical act of having an orgasm but it’s done in the whole process of having sex with your partner.”

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So demanding an orgasm — of your sex parter and of yourself– is not actually going to help you get one.

Sorry Miss Minaj, we might stick with the professional on this one.

If you’re in the mood for orgasms, here are our favourite on-screen ones…

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