There are a lot of " girl-code" rules that are open to interpretation.

Is it okay to date your friend's ex from 15 years ago? Depends on who you ask. Can you wear white to someone else's engagement party? Controversial, but by no means illegal. Should you tell your friend if her boyfriend liked your Instagram post from 148 weeks ago at 2am? Yeah, probably.

But there is one rule I genuinely thought we had all silently agreed on: don't read another woman's private texts/group chats/diary.

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Last night's episode of Farmer Wants A Wife delivered many things: tears, awkward confrontations, someone taking off their bra and slinging it around a farmer's neck (??) and yet another reminder that Farmer Alex and Eddy are so obviously in love they may as well ride off into the sunset on a tractor (which, if the previews for next week are to be believed, is exactly what is about to happen). 

But buried among all that chaos was one moment that made me physically recoil. Because one contestant broke what I thought was the only universally accepted rule of girl code.

While Alex and Eddy were off on their date, Rachel went looking for "a piece of paper" to write a shopping list. And somehow, the only paper available in the entire house just happened to be inside Eddy's private notebook. 

The "notebook" in question. Image: Channel Seven.

Inside was a letter Eddy had written to Alex (but, importantly, never intended to give him). Rachel read it — out loud for the camera, of course — told fellow contestant Suzannah about it and, before long, the house was drowning in tears, accusations and enough emotional tension to power a small regional town.

I'm not actually interested in what Eddy wrote. Because the moment you decide to read someone else's private thoughts, you've already surrendered the right to be shocked and/or offended by what you find. 

Trust me, I know. I once committed the exact same crime.

In Year 7, I was at my best friend's house for a sleepover when she jumped in the shower. Sitting innocently on her bedside table was her diary. 

Of course, I read it. 

What devastating secret did I uncover? She thought she was better at drawing than me. And she had provided evidence. There were diagrams. 

She had painstakingly compared the way she drew a pig with the way I drew a pig, explaining in detail why her pig was objectively superior. It was less a diary entry and more a forensic assessment of my apparent lack of artistic flair. 

An exact replica of my face when I read that I sucked at drawing pigs. Image: Channel Seven.

At 12 years old, I was devastated. Now, as a 36-year-old woman, I can admit two things. Firstly, she was absolutely correct. I can barely draw a flower, let alone anatomically correct livestock. 

Secondly, I had absolutely zero business being upset.

Those words were not written for me to see. I chose to invade someone else's private thoughts and then had the audacity to feel personally attacked by them. (For the record, we are still friends. She can also still draw better than me). 

A private notebook is not a press release or a speech; it's where people dump their half-formed thoughts, worries, frustrations and feelings they haven't even decided they believe yet. It is not a presentation of someone's best self, but rather where they write their most honest self.

Rachel admitted to Eddy she had "accidentally" seen the letter, and Eddy was understandably upset that something she'd written privately had become dinner table discussion. And I'd be horrified, too. There are certain things in life that are spiritually password protected: a woman's Notes app, group chats. And private notebooks. 

The face you make when someone reads your diary out loud on national television. Image: Channel Seven.

To quote the great Gretchen Weiners of Mean Girls fame, leaving those alone is "just like the rules of feminism". 

But maybe there's a reason why this happened. Because Farmer Wants A Wife asks women to do something that would be completely unacceptable anywhere else. In everyday life, respecting another woman is relatively straightforward. On this show, you are expected to become genuine friends with women whose elimination directly improves your own chances.

You are supposed to celebrate someone else having a successful date while quietly wondering whether it has just destroyed your own shot at finding love. You should comfort the woman crying in the bedroom after she's kissed the same bloke you snogged in the paddock next to a cow patty three hours earlier. 

It's possible that perhaps the traditional lines of the "girl code" get a little blurry in that environment. 

Is it rude to steal extra time with the farmer? Depends. Should you flirt with him in front of everyone else? Jury's out. Is kissing him in front of the other women a bit much? Potentially. 

Reading another woman's diary, though? That one is still crystal clear. 

Once you have crossed that line, you've lost the moral high ground, and everything that happens after that is just consequences. If you read someone else's private thoughts, you need to also accept the risk that you might not like what is inside. 

And if what is inside includes another woman admitting she thinks she has the strongest connection with the man you're both dating?

Well… what exactly were you expecting to find?

A shopping list?

Farmer Wants A Wife airs Sunday and Monday nights on Channel Seven, or you can watch any time on 7Plus.

Feature image: Channel Seven.