Inside the mind of an obsessed celebrity fan girl.

Ever looked at those girls sweating and sobbing outside a One Direction concert and wondered what the hell they’re thinking? This is what they’re thinking.

Five years ago, my mornings looked something like this.

5:00am – Wake up. Check Twitter. See if celebrity was online. Start spamming the shit out of his Twitter until such time when I decided he wouldn’t notice my tweets among the hundreds of thousands of others and give up.

7:00am – Get ready for my day. Meet up with a friend who had the same problem. Waste the day planning when we would eventually meet said celebrity, marry them and spend our lives eating caviar and drinking Dom Perignon.

And then I’d go to sleep and repeat.

Hi, I’m Julia, and I’m a recovering celebrity-obsessed fan girl. I was that person who would spend hours of every day stalking – via social media – a celebrity’s every moment. I went so far as to cut friends off who liked the same celebrity, because we both couldn’t have him. Hell, once I even wrote and filmed myself rapping to win a competition to meet him. I didn’t win.

fan girl confessions
This is what fan girls look like – a blur of phones, hands and hugs. Image via Getty.

It’s a serious problem. And, while I have moved on from this certain celebrity, who’s to say I haven’t focused my attention on another few in the five years since? (You’re right, I have).

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Fan girls are a force to be reckoned with. They are a group that can completely ruin or enhance a celebrity’s image. For example, Lady Gaga’s fans are all about empowerment, expression and individuality. One Direction’s are about Harry Styles’ hair and a sheer hatred for Taylor Swift. But the 2015 fan girl is very different to those who obsessed over The Beatles or Neil Diamond. Those days you could write a letter to your favourite celebrity, maybe go to their concert, possibly see them on television. Now you can quite literally spend hours consumed in their world. Instagram. Snapchat. Facebook. Twitter. YouTube. The communication channels are endless, and that just makes it easier for fan girls to be… well, fan girls.

For me, the height of my addiction was 2010. I remember crying when I finally saw him on stage for the first time, literally jumping into the arms of his security guard because I thought it was the closest I’d ever get to said celebrity, and sending him and his non-famous friends disgusting, vulgar messages online to stand out. I didn’t care. I just wanted to be noticed.

one direction fans
Crying over the celebrity is standard, if not compulsory behaviour. Image via Getty.

Five years later, I am a completely different person. I removed all traces of that part of my life, I realised how utterly fucked up it was that I was spending my days obsessing over the world’s most famous pop star. I came to my senses, and I was embarrassed.

Related: 15 glorious celebrity women on why they don’t have children.

But today’s fan girls are the exact same as I was. No amount of “stop it, you are acting ridiculous” will change their ways. And what’s worse? Even when the object of their affection – the celebrity themselves – says they think their actions are horrible, nothing changes. They’ll still be writing Fifty Shades-style fan fiction and spamming them with threats like, “If you don’t follow me, I’ll kill myself”. All for what… a follow? A smiley face emoji sent back in a tweet? 15 seconds of notoriety amongst other fan girls?

I remember the time my celebrity was seen speaking to a fan after a show, and a rumour started that she had been invited back to his room after the show. The disgusting amount of abuse this poor girl received via social media was unfathomable. I’ve never seen anything like it since and I work in the media.

At the height of his fame, Justin Bieber was mobbed by a group of fans as he tried to ride a Segway. 

I’m slowly, very slowly, coming to terms the fact that celebrities are just people. Yeah, they’re better looking, more talented, air-brushed versions of people, but they’re still people. They’ve got feelings, they’ve got families, they have off days like the rest of us. But when their fans treat them like they’re superhuman, it makes them feel like they can’t fuck up every now and then.

The way I got over my obsession from five years ago was exactly that – I idolised him, and he went off the rails, which was bound to happen eventually but it didn’t change my mind – I was done.

Maybe my current celebrity obsession will turn out a little better.

Have you ever been a celebrity fan girl? 

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