The moment you think your family might be normal, someone starts crying for no reason and hides in a bush for four hours.
Never is this madness more apparent than on Christmas Day.
Tomorrow, most of us will spend Christmas with some assortment of humans that resemble ‘family’. They might not be your family. Perhaps they’re strangers, and you’ve walked into their house at 2pm asking where the prawns are at.
Either way, you will most definitely recognise eight very specific people. And this is what they look like.
1. The nosy aunty:
This character has probably been cooking since 4:30am, and hasn’t slept in five weeks, so in fairness is probably delusional.
They want to know why you’re not married yet. They want to know why you’ve put on weight. When you were younger they aggressively shouted, “what on EARTH have you been EATING?! Look at your skin!” Any confidence you may have built over the year is crushed by this aunty at Christmas. She tells you what she really thinks, and goes to sleep standing up in the kitchen, fully clothed, at 9pm.
2. The train wreck cousin:
If you can’t quite identify the train wreck cousin, then you are the train wreck cousin.
We all secretly love this family member, because they make all of us look immensely successful by comparison. They’re lacking direction, perhaps they’ve been in trouble with the law, they might dabble with the drugs and their Facebook statuses are always the subject of many conversations.
They probably tried to get out of seeing the family on Christmas day, but their parents forced them. Someone (probably the nosy aunty) explicitly offends them by asking something like “so, you’ve put your family through quite enough this year haven’t you?” – which we all know isn’t actually a question.