“It must have been lo-ove. But it’s ov-er now…”
With a title like that, you’d think that this scenario would be quite simple. Boy meets girl, girl gets a side-piece, boy humiliates girl on the internet. It’s got over 5 million views in just a few days, so it’s a popular move.
But in truth, ‘the best dumping of a cheating girl you will ever see’ is far from simple. It’s an incredibly complex rollercoaster of emotions, culminating with the woman in question (Alex) finding out that her loving partner (whose name might be Beany, or Neil, or Bean Y Neilp Udsey) knows about her relationship with a guy named Thomas Rue. Beany (?) knows about the affair because Alex was sending sexy toilet pics to Thomas Rue (pics which Beany probably obtained in a completely legitimate way), and also because “he blocked me and me two mates” on Facebook. You’re busted, Rue. Beany is onto you and your sleazy Facebook blocking ways.
Watch Beany expose this complex web in the video he uploaded here. (Spoilers: If you need extra inducement, at the end, Beany dances in his car with not one, but two dildos):
Beany’s video is quite long and raises some significant questions that we’d love to explore with him:
1. You mention that your girlfriend Alex was planning your engagement party and perhaps your wedding. But this prank involves you intimating that you will fly her to the Northern Lights to propose to her. I’m no expert, but are you engaged? Or perhaps the more important question: Are you actually in a monogamous relationship with this woman?
2. Alex has apparently been taking photos on her phone (from the toilet, no less) and sending them to Thomas Rue and to you. You say Mr Rue has been replying to Alex and you have seen the reply. So, did she send them as a group text? A Snapchat? A WhatsApp message? In which completely fair and reasonable way did you come across your girlfriend’s correspondence?
3. Do you always chew gum, or just when you’re planning to humiliate the woman you love?
4. You spend a lot of time filming your house to prove that it is not smashed up. Is smashing up houses a risk when you stage elaborate pranks? Has the pranking community given you this advice? Is there a Brotherhood of Pranking? A Pranking Union? Or is this something that you’ve learned from previous experience in humiliating women?
5. How great is Roxette’s It Must Have Been Love (It’s Over Now)? Who knew it was the perfect soundtrack to a romantic proposal/epic betrayal of trust?
6. What was in Envelope 1? Why did it take Alex so long to read it? Did you use really tiny font? Was it in Pig-Latin? Is it one of those Magic Eye paintings that you have to stare at for a while before you see the sailboat?
7. Poems are useful when you want to crush someone’s soul. True or False?
8. Are you really just angry that Thomas Rue is a great name?
9. Does that Boudoir sign ever throw you off your game?
10. Has Alex disclosed to you in the past that she finds glitter in her bed to be really sexy? Has any woman ever said that? Ever?
11. Did you actually buy that flight to the Northern Lights and the night in an igloo? Are you planning to sell it on EBAY? I’m asking for a friend.
12. Have you pre-sprinkled the igloo with glitter? Because if you have, you should probably mention that in the EBAY ad. It might be a deal-breaker.
13. Are you friends with The Clit Commander 1234? Could you introduce us? He sounds like a real winner.
14. How great is it to have won the admiration of these charming blokes?
15. Those two dildos: Do you always have them in the glove box? (do you call it a g-love box, when there are two dildos in it?) Do you always dance with dildos? Is it like those glo-sticks we danced with in the 90s? DO THOSE DILDOS GLOW IN THE DARK?
16. What do you say to people who say this video is a fake to make you internet famous so you can parlay your success into a lucrative porn career as Gum-Chewing Beany, The Dildo Man?
17. Do you think that any person will ever trust you ever again?