dating

'I let social media take control of my love life, and asked my 750+ friends to set me up.'

A month ago, I got one hell of a hare brained idea. After almost two years of dating, I was at a loss. I had tried just about every imaginable means of meeting someone and nothing had worked.

So, I took to social media. What could possibly go wrong?

I asked my 750+ friends on Facebook to set me up. A friend created a post. It was shared with his friends who shared it with their friends who shared it with their friends. The post reached well over 5,000 people.

Here’s what it looked like.

facebook dating
Here goes nothing... Image: Supplied.

I had agreed that I would go out with anyone that was suggested. I wanted to have an open mind. I just wouldn’t do a long distance relationship again. The Phoenix Metro area has just about 5 million people. Someone has to know someone.

I gave it 30 days. I read comments. I checked in. I answered questions in my inbox. I waited.

My social media experiment was a complete and utter failure. There was not one single date to be had. No one had a lead and no one in this network stepped up to the plate.

In trying to make sense of this, I asked people what they thought was the reason. The good, the bad, the ugly. Give it all to me. We came up for several reasons why this could have been a failure.

There really are no date-able men out there.

My friends were very kind. My friend John, who was a Captain in the Phoenix Fire Department had no one. That is a large pool of eligible men to pull from. “I just don’t know of anyone I would trust enough to send your way.” I heard this a lot. People knew people. They just didn’t know good people. Good to know. I won’t settle.

ADVERTISEMENT

I’m a little scary.

One friend pointed out that it took some serious cajones to put this out there. It was daring. He said that most men he knew would be terrified of a woman that would be that bold. It required a level of strength and vulnerability that men knew they would have to match. Nope. He said a lot would be intimidated and move on. Good to know. I’m not changing.

I’m high maintenance.

One friend pointed out that the description paints a picture of someone pretty self actualised, who knows what she wants. I’ve spent a good deal of time working on myself. I have a thirst for knowledge and a therapist. I do all the personal growth. I have tried to level up for my own contentment.

She said she felt I had priced myself out of the market. “You’re like that house in the $300k price range that the owners upgrade until it’s worth $350k. No one wants to buy the $350k even if it’s the best on the block. It requires more maintenance. They’ll settle for the $300k house down the street. It’s easier.” Good to know. I won’t decrease my value.

I’m actually fine with all of these. I am incredibly comfortable with who I am. I no longer feel the need to be someone I am not in order to impress someone or land a partner.

I am an all in kind of person. As long as there was some other avenue to go down, something else to try, some hare brained idea, then I hadn’t given it everything.

I can safely say I have now tried everything. That actually makes me feel pretty good. I did the best I could.

Oddly, I don’t have this soul crushing feeling like I have lost all hope in the world. What I feel is acceptance. This is life right now. It may not be life forever, but this is current status. It’s not a big deal. I’m happy.

There’s no bitterness, anger or sorrow to this. It’s quite fine. It means I get to turn my attention to other things, like getting rejected by the New York Times instead of a middle aged man from Ohio named Bob. Let’s see how that goes. Wish me luck.

*Feature photo is a stock image. 

This post first appeared on Medium and has been republished with full permission.

Vanessa Torre is a freelance writer in Phoenix, AZ. Living life like a flaming pinball, she is a regular contributor to Medium.com where she tries to make sense of this crazy world. Nerd, music lover, horrible violin player. You can follow her on Twitter @VanessaLTorre.

00:00 / ???