As human beings, it’s often second nature to criticise ourselves. And as women, often it’s much worse.
In fact, according to a study, the average woman criticises herself at least eight times a day. Now this won’t do. Especially between the sheets.
The one thing I hear most often, is that a woman’s ‘mean girl’ sings out at the worst possible moments. About to accept a big promotion at work, about to embark on a new goal and even when we’re in the throes of passion with our partner…
‘Mean girl’ whispers in our ears telling us that our tummies are too pudgy, our boobs are too saggy, our thighs look fat in that position or we’re just not sexy enough. Worst of all is when our minds tell us we’re simply not doing things right.
The problem here is that it’s almost impossible to get that deep connection we crave with our lovers, when that voice is whispering (or screaming) inside our heads.
That voice gets in the way. A lot. It stops us from really being present, enjoying the pleasure we most definitely deserve. It stops us from the love and intimacy we want with our partners. And the other problem is that sometimes, just sometimes, we choose to believe that she is trying to protect us and keep us safe.
Sometimes, we believe she’s right.
But it’s time to snatch back the passion and stop criticising ourselves during sex, and here’s how to do it.
1. Stop and breathe.
Now I know, that climax moment when you’re getting hot and heavy with your partner isn’t the best time to stop. But you may just have to take a moment to slow down a bit. As soon as those thoughts start entering your mind, take a second, stop and take a big, deep breath. Your partner may even think it’s part of your play.
By doing this, you take the power away from that inner voice and channel it into your breath. Best of all, it gives you a moment to catch your breath before the fun really ramps up.
2. Listen to her.
It may be hard to listen to, but sometimes you have to take it in to fully understand where it’s coming from. Your inner critic survives on fear, it thrives on fear.
So, when it all boils down to it, chances are your fears are driving the mean girl. Do you fear that your thighs are too big? Fear that your curves are in the wrong places? Fear that you’re not satisfying your partner? You’re just adding fuel to the fire.