Image: iStock. By GraceLynn Parker for YourTango.

We’d been together 10 years. Throughout our relationship, I would spend half the year in London with him while my ex-husband took care of my kids, and then return home for the rest of the year.

Because I’m a writer, I was able to keep my own hours and work from anywhere. But when I was with him, I never got any work done there; we had too much fun! We were inseparable every moment I was in England and spent hours on the phone when I was at home.

In London, I had a home with him, an entire life, and a second family of “our” relatives, close friends and neighbors. I had a favorite market, laundromat, grocery store, and local pub.

http://cdn.theglow.com.au/app/uploads/2015/09/con-man-marriage.jpg "Because I'm a writer, I was able to keep my own hours and work from anywhere. But when I was with him, I never got any work done there; we had too much fun!"

He was such a huge presence in my life that even my kids saw him as a member of the family — from our conversations and the stories I brought home from my trips.

After one of our absolutely wonderful trips, he kissed me goodbye at the airport and said, "I'll call you with my new address and phone number as soon as I have them." (He was in the middle of a move.)

It's been over five years now. I'm still waiting for that call.

Over those five years, I wrote him hundreds of emails — but he never answered. His old number was disconnected and he never contacted me again  to give me the new one. (Post continues after gallery.) 

Celebrities talking about their break ups.

Jennifer Aniston.It was possibly one of the most talked about Hollywood break ups - Jen and Brad. In an interview with Vanity Fair Jen shared her experience, "There are many stages of grief. It's sad, something coming to an end. It cracks you open, in a waycracks you open to feeling. When you try to avoid the pain, it creates greater pain. I'm a human being, having a human experience in front of the world. I wish it weren't in front of the world. I try really hard to rise above it." Image via WikiCommons.

Rita Ora.

Rita discussed her break up with Calvin Harris in Marie Claire, "It was more of a thing where I was in awe. I was at that point in my relationship where I felt he could do no wrong. I thought he had my back and that he'd never steer me wrong. But then 'I Will Never Let You Down' came out, and everything started to go a bit weird. I don't know if it was because business was mixed with personal or what." Image via Instagram (@ritaora).

Demi Moore.

Demi Moore discussed her breakup with Ashton Kutcher with Harpers Bazar - "I used to think that what scared me was the idea of being abandoned until someone said to me, 'Only children can be abandoned. Adults can't be abandoned because we have a choice. Children don't have a choice.' So I started to rethink. 'OK, it's not that. What's the underlying thread that really scares me?' I think what scares me is not having the courage to reach my full potential." Image via Twitter (@justdemi).

Kim Kardashian.

On her website, KimKardashian.com Kim shared her breakup with Kris Humphries, "I felt like I was on a fast roller coaster and couldn't get off when now I know I probably should have. I got caught up with the hoopla and the filming of the TV show that when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn't know how to and didn't want to disappoint a lot of people." Image via Instagram.

J-Lo.

"It felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest." - Jennifer Lopez on Ben Affleck, in her memoir True Love. Image via Instagram.

Reese Witherspoon"[Divorce is] very humiliating and very isolating... But, by the way, if it's not painful, maybe it wasn't the right decision to marry to begin with." - Elle Magazine. Image via WikiCommons.

Cameron Diaz.

"When I was going through a bit of a heartbreak a little while ago, I said to a friend, 'Wow, this really hurts!' And he said to me, 'That just shows you what your capacity for loving is.' I would rather have my heart broken a thousand times than never to love at all. I have so much love to give I'm not empty of love, I'm full of love." - Cameron discussing her break up with Alex Rodriguez in InStyle. Image via Instagram.

Katy Perry.

During an interview on The Project Katy discussed her break up with Russell Brand - "Sometimes you can be blinded by your extreme emotions. I definitely was looking for answers during that time I wrote that song ["The Grace of God"]. And yeah, I was depressed, and it was sad, and there were thoughts, but there were never actions, thankfully." Image via Instagram.

Taylor Swift.

"There's just been this earth-shattering, not recent, but absolute crash-and-burn heartbreak, and that will turn out to be what the next album is about. The only way that I can feel better about myself pull myself out of that awful pain of losing someone is writing songs about it to get some sort of clarity." - Taylor Swift, Vogue. Image via Instagram.

Emma Stone."I was crawling on the floor. I remember throwing up. I remember being on the floor... I have never felt anything quite like that. It was so visceral. It's like someone has killed you and you have to live through it and watch it happen. It was awful." - Emma Stone on her first heartbreak, Interview. Image via WikiCommons.

I could've found him easily enough if I wanted to. He played in a band and I could've showed up at a gig in London — but I wasn't going to go hunt him down like a dog when he made it clear he never wanted me to find him again.

I felt enough like a crazy stalker, still writing him letters after years had gone by; I certainly wasn't going to fly 4,000 miles, leap out of the bushes, shout "Gotcha!" and ambush him.

Even though he never responded to any of my emails, I'm convinced he read every damn one of them, which made me hurt even more and get even angrier when I got no response. I hated myself for it every time I hit send, but because we never really said goodbye, I always held out hope I'd see or hear from him again someday.

Being ghosted felt much worse than if he'd suddenly died because I knew he was still out there somewhere. If he had died, at least I would've had closure and could've moved on with my life.

"Even though he never responded to any of my emails, I'm convinced he read every damn one of them, which made me hurt even more and get even angrier when I got no response."

It made me crazy that he'd known all along that he intended to never see me again; the reason our last trip had been so wonderful is because he knew all along it was to be the last one.

The cowardice and cruelty of ghosting is beyond comprehension. But the worst past wasn't having any closure.

I Googled him almost daily and searched anywhere I could think of online to try to find him — but there was no trace of him. It was literally as if he had vanished off the face of the earth, taking my entire life with him.

For hours I examined the few pictures someone sent me of him playing in his band, as if they could tell me something I didn't already know or provide some indication of how he was doing. Was he was happy? Was he well? Did he miss me? 

Most people would consider me crazy to believe that someday he'll come back again. Until that day, I'm left with questions: Who ever really knows why a ghost disappears? Will he ever reappear?

Your guess is as good as mine.

Have you ever felt abandoned by an ex? 

This article was first published on Your Tango. Read the original article. 

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