rogue

'Rudeness is reaching unprecedented levels, people. We need to do something about it.'

I’m a pretty relaxed person, but I’ll tell you what, nothing quite boils my blood like letting someone into my lane of the road AND THEM NOT COURTEOUSLY WAVING THANK YOU TO ME.

I almost always, out of the goodness of my freakin’ heart, let people into my lane. Like, I’m not a saint, but I’m so close I can taste the holy water. And while I don’t do these things for the ‘thank you wave’, there’s no denying one helps.

Rudeness on our roads is reaching unprecedented levels, people. Catastrophic levels. We need to do something about it.

Actually, rudeness EVERYWHERE is alarming. So here are seven other forgotten etiquette rules we need to remember. Please do the world a favour and pass this on to your rudest friends.

1. Stand to the side and out of the way when people are getting off the train.

Lordy lordy lordy. Why people insist on standing SMACK BANG in the middle of the opening train doors I will never know.

Move to the siiiiiiiiide people. Let the people already on the train get off. You standing in their way is just going to make this process five times longer and 67 times more pushy. Unless you plan on chest bumping every passenger as they get off I have no clue what you’re trying to achieve.

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2. Your umbrella is a weapon of mass destruction if you’re reckless.

It’s winter. We’re all cold and want to avoid the rain. I get it. HOWEVER. Please exercise caution when you A) open your umbrella in the vicinity of my head and B) shake it off while closing it.

“Michelle was decapitated by a rogue Hello Kitty brolly” is really not what I want my tombstone to read.

Flapping your umbrella around like a wet dog will make me very, very angry. I will start fantasising about you stepping in a shower puddle while wearing socks.

3. Do not eat with your mouth open.

Let’s say it together. Open mouth. Bite. Close mouth. Chew Food. Swallow. Repeat!

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4. Stand to the side of the escalator.

LEFT SIDE DUDE: I am standing still. I am a statue. I have zero places to be in a hurry. I am chill AF.

RIGHT SIDE DUDE: I am in a rush and have a meeting/train/appointment to get to. I am a busy person. I am lightning. I am speed. I am untouchable.

Don’t be that guy who stands in the way of right side dude. Nobody likes that guy. Not even that guy likes that guy.

5. If we’re all at a restaurant, and you’re filling up your glass with water, fill up everyone’s.

You have the jug of water. It’s right there in your hand. Don’t just fill up your glass, fill up everrrrrybody’s.

(At your table, that is. I’m not saying you should go fill up the glasses for the Spanish family over at table 26. That’d be weird.)

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6. Pay me back.

I shouldn’t have to chase down the $35 you owe me from last Wednesday. I love you, I’m glad you demolished that feast fit for a Mexican wizard, but pay me back. Do I look like I’m made of money and guacamole to you?

No. I don’t. I’m clearly broke AF and need to pay my rent. I’ve been living off Maggi noodles and expired Milo for a week now.

And if you simply forgot – I get it, sometimes we forget – then please actually do it when I awkwardly remind you over iMessage.

7. Obey the queue.

You complete and utter jerk wad. You saw me standing RIGHT HERE. Don’t even try to lie to me. This is the ultimate betrayal. Your words mean nothing to me now.

You just totally queue jumped me in the middle of Woolies and it’s not okay. IT IS NOT OKAY.

What are your top etiquette rules? Let us know in the comments below.

For more from Michelle Andrews, you can follow her on Facebook here.

Also, if you start being more polite, you might actually improve your Uber rating….

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