'It's so rude.' The 5 most controversial etiquette rules of 2024.

The New York Times has released a social guide titled 'How To Party (Without Regrets)' and it has ruffled a lot of feathers. 

It's basically a collation of tips and advice from 43 "highly sociable people" broken down in multiple categories, starting from the getting ready process to what to do after you leave an event. 

It covers everything for both the hosts and guests such as drinking, navigating hot topics and party etiquette. 

But there's a few in particular that have divided opinion and because I have a lot of opinions myself, I'm going to run you through the juiciest ones. 

Let's get into it. 

Watch: Dinner party from hell. Post continues below.

Video via Mamamia

1. "There are certain things that will irk the host. One is when you ask the question that should never be asked: “What should I bring?” Instead, you should say, “I’m already planning on bringing some Champagne and wine. What else should I bring?” Or don’t even ask and just show up with something!" Maneese Goyal. 


At first, this sounded like a brilliant life hack for me, until I remembered my financial capabilities. I hate going to someone's house empty-handed. I agree that asking what should you bring is annoying to the host because they're most likely to say something along the lines of "just bring yourself." When really they wish that guest could show their appreciation in the form of a bottle of wine.

However, what if you say, as Goyal suggested, "I'm planning on bringing some wine, what else should I bring?" and the host tells you they want you to get desserrt, a starter, some snacks. I'm all for bringing something instead of wine but bringing something AS WELL as wine? My bank balance could never. 

Isn't that the whole reason we're hanging out at your house instead of going out? Because none of us can afford to go out anymore?

2. If you’re going to go, go. Do not plan to leave the party early. If you have to leave early, I say do not come. And don’t ask who else is coming. That is rude." Sarah Harrelson. 

I'm in two minds about this rule. If I was hosting an event, I'd 100 per cent be on board, because planning an event takes time, effort and money. And after all of that, if a guest turned around and asked me "who else is going?' instead of being excited, I'd think it was super rude. 

When it comes to people leaving early, I'm okay with it if they tell me around the time they were invited. For example "Thanks so much for the invite, I actually have another event that day, do you mind if I just come for a little bit." 

If I've catered for your attendance and planned for you to be here the entire time, only for you to tell me that you have to head off early the minute you walk into my front door, I'd be very annoyed — timing is key. 


As a guest, there has only been one time where I've been that person who asked who else was going to the event. That was purely because I knew my ex and his new girlfriend were invited and I didn't want to be anxious the whole time — I still I felt extremely rude asking.

3. "Please don’t ask people to take off their shoes when entering your apartment. It’s rude." Rebecca Gardner. 

I will be first to admit that there's nothing worse than turning up to someone's home, not knowing it was a shoes-off household and realising that you're wearing old, odd, unflattering socks that do not match your outfit at all. 

However, so many cultures require you to take your shoes off before entering a household out of respect which I agree with completely. 

I personally tell people to leave their shoes on when they come into my apartment, I don't need to see that much of you. 

Listen to Emily Vernem talk about the new Etiquette Rules on Mamamia Out Loud. Post continues below.

4. "Do not tell your host what you can or cannot eat. Your host is not an airline or a short-order kitchen." Alex Hintz. 

Oooft. This one felt mean. As a host, I would be devastated if there was someone at my event who couldn't eat anything I provided. I think this can be broken down into two categories — people who have dietaries and people who are just fussy eaters


If you have allergies or dietary concerns, I would want to make sure my guests are safe and would rather know about them and cater to them so that we can all have a good time. Dietaries are completely out of a person's control and they shouldn't be punished for having them. 

However, if you ask me to not cook anything with onion in it because you just don't like the taste of onion, then I'm sorry, but I'll be asking you to bring your own meal.

5. "Never say goodbye. Send a text the day after." Kendall Werts. 

This, in my opinion, needs to be taken with a grain of salt. If you're at a dinner party with four other people, I think it'd be pretty weird for you to just get up from the table and leave. Obviously, if it's a bigger event, the respectful thing to do is to say bye and thanks to the host. The only time I would avoid saying bye is if the host is talking to a large group of people as it can pull from the conversation and might give everyone the idea that they should be heading home as well. You don't want to be the ruiner of a good time. 

I always send a text when I get home or the next day to the host regardless of if I said goodbye to them in person or not. It's a great way to show your appreciation and gratitude for being included.

If you want more culture opinions by Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem. 

Feature image: Canva. 

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