To the newly bereaved parent, please know that you’re not alone.
This was extremely hard to write and share, in a world full of supportive people we have certainly felt alone because it’s such a taboo and people are scared to talk about anything to do with the loss of a child. Unfortunately, we live in a world where, we as humans are judged for what shoes we wear, what house we live in and whether we like boys or girls so when we had to make a heartbreaking choice, we became fearful of what people would think.
The reality is that you are not in our shoes and you never will be. Even if you have to take the same path as us, your story will still be different. Although we wish this would never happen to anyone the reality is once you get outside the bubble you live in it’s everywhere. Many people are silently grieving, too afraid to let people know what is going on because they are scared of judgement. I’ve met some of the strongest mothers and heard their stories, some full term, miscarriages and terminations, the way other people treat their child as if they don’t exist weeks after they went through the toughest struggle is appalling. It took me almost 12 months to grieve my best friend passing away, she was my puppy of 15 years.
‘Getting over’ a child passing away will not happen in weeks, months or years because you don’t get over them. They are a part of you forever. I feel if we share her story and someone you know or perhaps years down the track your children or children children’s have to face something like this you might be able to say that you knew people who went through this and you know that they survived and made it through.
This story is about our daughter Chloe. I should have a baby in my arms today. And instead we are trying to find our ‘new normal’. This story is about a time of survival, learning how strong your marriage is, courage, loyalty, friendships, love and a shitty, unfair situation.
I’m not writing it so you will feel sorry for us. We have done enough of that for ourselves but more for awareness and to #breakthesilence. It’s to help us in our grieving process because bumping into people in the street that don’t know our story is terrifying.
Zena and Troy's babe, Chloe, "was sent to be with the angels at only 21 weeks." Image supplied
On the 30th of April 2016, we should have been welcoming a precious bundle of joy into our lives; listening to her cry, changing her nappy, watching her smile and grow and instead we will release balloons and blow out candles cake on behalf of her. We were faced with decision that we would never wish upon anyone. We planned a funeral when others listened to their baby' beautiful cry. We set a baby room up for our little girl and this room remains empty.
She was sent to be with the angels at only 21 weeks gestation.
Her name is Chloe Fay Mason. She is the daughter of Troy and Zena Mason and although you can't physically see her in our arms, she existed. She was 26cm. She had my nose and the rest of her was her daddy. She had long feet and hands, little specs of blonde hair and she was ours. Made with love! And certainly missed.