It’s a pressing issue for any possessor of a 2014 smartphone and accompanying emoticon keyboard.
Mis-reading someone else’s emojis can prove to be very dangerous, just as using the wrong emoji yourself can send a completely unintended message… Did that emoji of a glass of red wine make your parents think you’re an alcoholic? Did that love-heart you just texted to your boyfriend, freak him out and make him think you want to move in together? Did sending the picture of the smiling poo to your sister-in-law make her think she needs to amp up her deodorant use.
A smiling emoji is not simply a demonstration of happiness; it’s actually a deep insight to your soul, what mark you will leave on the world and what kind of person you are.
Emojis are serious business, and if used incorrectly, can have detrimental consequences.
Enter stage left: Emojinalysis – a website that psychoanalyses a person’s use of emojis, saves them from future disastrous miscommunications and is a step up from the old Cosmopolitan ‘what kind of friend are you?’ quizzes.
With the tagline, “Show me your recently used emojis. I tell you what’s wrong with your life,” the blog was created by copywriter, Dan Brill. To participate in Emojinalysis, all you have to do is a screenshot your most recently used emojis (click the little clock symbol on the emoji keyboard), along with your first name and age. Then Brin will tell you what your emoji use says about you.
Zing, 26, sent this screenshot into Emojinalysis:
And discovered what his excessive use of emojis really meant:
So we’ve got a double Heart opener and we end with Face screaming in fear. What went wrong? On the surface, things look steady with a run of positive smileys. Until you realise one of them isn’t a smiley at all. It’s a Sun with a Face. The mania-infected needle in the haystack of sanity. There are two kinds of people who use Sun with Face. Young children, and adults about to lose their grip on reality. I’m not saying which one you are, Zing. But you’re the second one.
Diagnostic emoji: Hourglass with flowing sand
Prescribed emoji: Lollipop
Taryn 21, is clearly rushing into romantic, violence and drunken things for one of such a tender age.
Here’s what she was told:
You’re so young Taryn. I worry that you’re rushing into things. Love. Marriage. Alcohol. Shooting people and lighting shit on fire. I know, I know, #YOLO. But how about trying #EMOJO for a change? (Everything’s Menacing, Oppose Jeopardizing Opportunities.) You think Police Officer is all smiles outside of emojiland? Go binge Orange is the New Black and get back to me.
Diagnostic emoji: Party popper
Prescribed emoji: Television.
Kate, 26, gets a thorough analysis of her powerful use of emojis, which comes to a rather abrupt conclusion…
(Warning: swearing ahead).
Listen, we’ve all pointed a Gun at a Birthday Cake and some point in our lives. But in the presence of Japanese ogre, Confounded face and Weary cat? This must be what it looks like when coke runs out at a Charlie Sheen party. I must admit, the transition of Heart-shaped eyes face/cat into Crying face/cat is quite a powerful story. And the moral of that story is, you’re a fucking lunatic.Diagnostic emoji: Police cars revolving in light
Prescribed emoji: Ticket + Airplane
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