real life

It's official: Emoji users have more sex. By a lot.

FACT: A semi-colon and a close bracket could now improve your sex life.

;)

(That was a sideways winking face. For those unfamilar, you’re going to need to get on board. Here’s why.)

A new survey has proven that people who use emoticon faces in their text messages are having more sex. The US dating site Match.com ran a survey (of people NOT using their dating site) involving 5,675 people, with a demographic representing the national population as according to the Census.

“It turns out that 54% of emoji users had sex in 2014 compared to 31% of singles who did not,” Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University told Time MagazineSo HALF of the emoji users got laid last year, but only THIRTY PERCENT of the non-emoji users got lucky.


And it gets better: The more emojis that singles used in every text, the more sex they were having. In a graph measuring ‘singles who had sex at least monthly in 2014’, only 30% of men who ‘hardly use emojis’ were getting regular action, as opposed to the 70% who ‘use more than one in every text’. And for the women, only 10% of non-emoji users were having sex monthly, as opposed to 50% of those that use several smiley faces per SMS.

Speaking of sex: The most dangerous position is probably your favourite.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.

According to the Time article, ‘women who use kiss-related emojis have an easier time achieving orgasms with a familiar partner.’ Why? Because they are with a partner who is trying harder to convey their exact emotion in the world of text messaging, which can be a notoriously difficult method in which to convey tone.

“[Emoji users] want to give their texts more personality,” says our favourite emoticon doctor (well, biological anthropologist) Dr. Fisher. “Here we have a new technology that absolutely jeopardizes your ability to express your emotion… there is no more subtle inflection of the voice … and so we have created another way to express emotions and that is the emoji.”

“Emoji users don’t just have more sex, they go on more dates and they are two times more likely to want to get married. Sixty-two percent of emoji users want to get married compared to 30% of people who never used an emoji… that’s pretty good.”

Go forth, humans. Download an emoji app and improve your sex life.

A few suggestions to get you started.

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