fashion

Just 9 questions I have about Emily Ratajkowski's dress for the GQ Men of the Year Awards.

It’s a well-known fact that only obscenely beautiful people can wear something that covers almost their entire body and still look… sexy.

How.

But also… how.

Actress and model Emily Ratajkowski is obviously one of these people.

At the GQ Men of the Year Awards in Sydney on Wednesday night, she wore what appeared to be a long-sleeved cardigan and full-length skirt, chosen at random, leaving only her stomach on display.

Somehow, despite the fact that the two-piece outfit looked like it had never been intended to be worn together, with clashing fabrics and patterns, it worked. Because of course it did. Because Emily Ratajkowski.

Emily Ratajkowski wears Paco Rabanne. Image via Getty.

But, as a fashion novice, I have questions. Important ones.

1. Yes, hi, what is this.

I do not have this body part.

Heh?.
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There is no line down the middle of my tummy.

This is a feature I do not possess.

Can I still wear this ensemble? I think not.

2. Are you wearing a bra?

It does not appear so. There's no sign of straps or the little connector thingy in the middle which has little room to hide what with the tiny buttons.

But if you're not wearing a bra, then how are your boobs sitting... upright? Why aren't they migrating sideways? Or drooping a 'lil bit? Or being generally inconvenient? I don't understand.

3. What's the point of the buttons, when the cardigan can't be worn open anyway?

Image via Getty.
??

'So versatile,' the designer said, probably. 'Do up all the buttons or leave some undone. You can even undo all the buttons and wear it as an open cardigan.'

Except you can't.

Because it's still connected.

Which is silly. 

4. HOW CAN TWO COMPLETELY CLASHING PATTERNS MAKE THE PERFECT SKIRT.

This is less of a question and more of a comment.

WHO THOUGHT TO PUT THESE TOGETHER. AND WHY DON'T THEY HAVE A NOBEL PRIZE.
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5. If you can choose to have just one part of your body on display, what kind of brave human chooses their stomach?

One whose stomach looks like Emily Ratajkowski's, it would seem.

6. What accessories does one wear with this look?

Answer: It doesn't matter.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

7. What happens if someone pulls on your cardigan the wrong way?

DON'T TOUCH THE ENSEMBLE SIR YOU ARE NOT WORTHY AND YOU WILL MESS IT UP.

Stop.
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8. Wait, who is that man?

It's not important, but Australian model Jordan Barrett. Allegedly a friend of Emily Ratajkowski's. But clearly not enough of a friend to understand that you do not touch the outfit because it is sacred.

9. Was this outfit deeply, deeply strategic?

It's the definition of business up the front, party up the... slightly lower.

When accepting her award for GQ Woman of the Year, Ratajkowski looked like she was wearing the attire of a very conservative businesswoman.

So sophisticated.

High necked. Long-sleeved. Buttoned up.

The podium was perfectly positioned to give a very particular impression of her outfit. No one need know that there was no fabric between the boobs and the hips. That's a secret for later.

Emily Ratajkowski is perhaps the only woman on planet earth who could pull off this two-piece, stomach-focused ensemble.

But you can't stop me from trying, and crying hysterically at the result.

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