'Sorry... Emily.' A definitive ranking of the Emily in Paris characters.

Warning: this article contains spoilers for Emily in Paris season three. 

Ah, Emily in Paris.

The show we all pretend to love ironically, but really just love. It's frothy, easy-to-watch entertainment set in one of the prettiest cities in the world. It's just genuinely enjoyable because it's ridiculous. We need to accept it.

But with that said, not everyone on the show is great (actually, most are... not) which lends itself to one of my favourite pastimes: ranking them.

Watch: the Emily in Paris trailer. Post continues below video.

First, a quick word on those who are not important enough to make the official list. Sorry to them all:

• Antoine - After his and Sylvie's affair ended, Antoine just kind of... stayed around, giving us absolutely nothing. Thanks for financially investing in Gabriel's restaurant and for giving Alfie a job, though. We love convenient plot points that allow the two love interests to stay in the storyline!
• Pierre Cadault - I don't know much about fashion, but those dresses in the season two finale are irredeemable. Even after being hit by a car.
• Gregory Dupree - Annoyingly obnoxious, but I've got to admit to laughing every time someone called him 'Gagory'.
• Benoît - You simply cannot slay a Lady Gaga x Bradley Cooper cover and then GHOST SOMEONE, BENOIT!!!!
• Laurent Grateau - Sylvie's husband is hot but honestly somewhat indistinguishable from the many other... hot... French...men in this series.
• Erik de Groot - Tall, hot Dutch photographer does tall, hot Dutch photographer things and then disappears. No notes!
• Nicholas - He just straight up sucks (hot though).
• Camille's dad - An icon.
• Camille's mum - Not so much an icon.

Okay, now for the main event:

9. Madeline

Image: Netflix.

I get that we're supposed to dislike Madeline - the bolshy American boss who comes in and completely stomps on the French way of doing things. 

It's transparent. But that doesn't mean it's unjustified.

Most people in Emily in Paris are a little annoying, but Madeline isn't given enough storyline to go from 'just annoying' to 'annoying with redeeming qualities' like everyone else. 

I prefer my Kate Walsh to be in an argument with her cheating ex-husband at a Seattle hospital. Sorry.

8. Emily

Image: Netflix.

Darling Emily. If you put the characteristics of rom-com leads from past decades into a machine learning AI and asked it to create a character, it would spit her out. 

She's adorable, but bland. She's smart, but also clueless. She's meek, but her wardrobe full of bold clothes she could never afford IRL tell us that she's also confident. Male characters fall over themselves to be with her. She excels at her pursuits no matter how unrealistic they are. She seems to have a solution to EVERYTHING even when it's none of her business. Oh, and she became Instagram famous for doing literally NOTHING.

To me, she's like an overenthusiastic puppy, but specifically at 3am when its cuteness is doing A LOT of the heavy lifting.

Emily's own show is carried by everyone else she is surrounded with, but I will always appreciate her absolutely astounding inability to learn French and the jokes it brings.

7. Gabriel

Image: Netflix.

Gabriel is technically everything we want in a love interest. He's charming, but non-threatening. Sweet, but not schmaltzy. Hot, but not in an intimidating way.

And while I was Team Emily and Gabriel Forever at first, these days I'm just... over it.

What is most annoying about Gabriel is how he just lets everything HAPPEN to him. Has this man ever made a decision for himself? It's always up to the Emilys and Camilles to make decisions and take actions that impact his life.

If we're comparing the two love interests, Alfie is clearly superior in charm and personality. Which is not difficult, because Gabriel doesn't really have a personality beyond 'I'm hot and I can also cook'. He's far too passive and indecisive for us to still be doing this love triangle thing.

I'M GOING TO NEED THIS MAN TO MAKE A DECISION. TAKE A STAND, GABRIEL.

6. Camille

Image: Netflix.

Camille is supposed be the coolest character on this show and I demand justice for her character after season three. 

She used to be the most likeable character, who was sweet and always sunny. So, how did these writers take Camille, whose friend slept with her boyfriend of five years, and turn HER into the villain?

It really just seemed like she was with Gabriel the entire season only so Emily couldn't be, which I can understand from the perspective of not wanting your supposed bestie to date your ex, but also... HE'S NOT WORTH IT, CAMILLE.

The season three finale callout of Gabriel and Emily being in love with each other at the altar was a bit much, especially because she left out the fact she'd also been cheating?! They're not the only reason your relationship isn't working out! 

Camille SHOULD ditch this whole circle and move to Greece with Sofia, who she had 100 times more chemistry with, anyway. But that cliffhanger... sigh. It's not going to happen, is it?

5. Julien

Image: Netflix.

Julien is very competitive, which would normally get boring, except he's mostly just competitive with Emily, so I like it.

When he yelled "DO YOU HAVE AN OFF SWITCH?" at her in a client meeting? Exactly! Asking the questions we've all been thinking for three seasons!

Plus, he brings us some great, colourful fashion moments without looking like a unicorn threw up on him, a la Emily. 

4. Luc

Image: Netflix.

I quickly need to point out that Bruno Gouery, who plays Luc, was part of the murderous high-end gays in The White Lotus. In my head, those characters are the same person and this means Emily in Paris and The White Lotus take place in the same universe.

And what a universe it is.

But in Emily in Paris, Luc's heart is SO PURE. 

He's a bit of a liability; he's definitely the most likely to spill a secret and accidentally ruin a business deal. But he's also charming, quirky and fiercely loyal. I love him.

3. Alfie

Image: Netflix.

I was always going to be Team Alfie, from the moment he and Emily exchanged their first hateful glance, because enemies to lovers is the hottest trope of all time. 

But ugh.

His FAR superior character has been left playing second fiddle in a drawn out love triangle for too long. He is charming and funny and driven and supportive and sigh, so hot, AND YET THE SHOW PAYS HIM DUST.

After they get together, Alfie communicated openly, was vulnerable and supported Emily's (annoyingly OTT) career moves. Even his supposed red flags, like not telling his family about her, are explained in a way that makes him appear cautious but mature.

He's also a really good friend to Gabriel, especially by helping him with the deal to own his restaurant, and perfectly broaches the fact that Mindy's boyfriend is a d*ck who pulled a trick to come between her and Emily. He's a good guy! He deserves so much better than this mess!

2. Mindy

Image: Netflix.

Mindy is the most 'main character energy' side character in the history of television.

The disowned daughter of a billionaire, she ran away from her home country after becoming an internet meme. She was a nanny for rich Parisians' kids (imagine the gossip she has!) and is now chasing her popstar dreams. 

It sounds like a great backstory for a TV show lead, doesn't it? Too bad we have bland ol' Emily instead.

Mindy is both fun and funny, with depth, edge and... talent. Plus, she's got to navigate her own (actually interesting) life while having to be Emily's sounding board. In that, she is the best kind of friend: supportive, but also always willing to call people out on her bullsh*t.

This show does not deserve her.

1. Sylvie

Image: Netflix.

You're going to think I'm being hyperbolic, but Sylvie is one of my favourite characters on TV. And she is by far the best in this glorious mess of a series.

She's a hard-working boss b*tch but also very into the French traditions of long, boozy lunches and weekends off. 

She knows what she wants, speaks her mind and goes after everything herself. 

She has no tolerance for bullsh*t. 

And she's sophisticated, confident and living life on her own terms (with lots of hot men).

Evolving her from a one-layered snarky French boss who is mean to her cringe American underling, into a fully fledged character with her own storylines separate from whatever Emily's up to, is the best decision the show has made.

Sylvie spin-off, when?

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer and co-host of The Spill. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: Netflix/Mamamia.