friendship

"I'm dating myself and I've never been out with someone so awesome."

There’s nothing more satisfying than sitting in a café and hearing Sarah complain about her latest workplace dramas, knowing that you don’t need to come up with a reply that’s the perfect combination of sympathetic and practical.

Because you’re seated at the next table. ALONE. Eating your pulled pork sliders in blissful solitude.

I’ve been solo dating myself for a few years now and I have to say we’ve never been happier. We see each other regularly, have the same taste in movies and music, and we never have to split the bill.

As women I think we’re conditioned to seek out the acceptance, support and validation that comes from friendships and relationships – and these interactions can be amazing, rewarding and a hugely important part of our lives.

Kimmy Schmidt solo dating
'We see it each other on the regular, have the same taste in movies and music, and we never have to split the bill.' Image via Netflix.
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But as an introvert, this kind of endless connectedness can be exhausting and I got to the point where I was so over the constant disappointment from plans falling through at the last minute.

So I just started doing the things I wanted on my own. A movie here, a lunch there – until I was completely comfortable in my own company.

There’s something so liberating about not caring whether you’re a part of a #squad. To be free to catch a movie or see your favourite band without worrying whether your friends are able to find a babysitter/get out of work on time/leave their live-in boyfriend at home for the first time with the new puppy.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve heard other women say that they would never go see a movie by themselves because they’re worried that people will think they’re a Nigel No Friends. The thing is – everyone else is too busy worrying about themselves and whether they’ve just dropped their choc top all over their white t-shirt to care about you and your friendship status.

Blair Waldorf solo dating
'No one in that café cares that you’re dining alone.' Image via Warner Bros.
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The biggest hurdle to solo dating is being confident enough to not feel the need to apologise for your presence. We’ve all been there – you sit down at your local café and before they’ve even brought over the table water, you’re reaching for your phone and shrinking down into your seat.

But guess what? No one in that café cares that you’re dining alone.

It can be bloody hard to get over that hangover from childhood, this innate fear that some grown up version of the schoolyard bully is going to clamp her eyes on you sitting alone in a restaurant and publicly dub you a scab. But sometimes you’ve just got to rip off the friendship security blanket and venture out on your own.

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And there’s some serious upsides to showing yourself a good time.

Watch Mamamia staff confess their most embarrassing date. Post continues after video. 

Like when you treat yourself to a solo movie session you don’t even have to pretend that you want to share that family sized bag of Maltesers and extra-large popcorn. When you take a road trip by yourself there’s no fighting over the radio station, there’s no ‘are we there yet’ – there’s just you and the open road and all the true crime podcasts you could dream of.

You can order whatever you want at your favourite restaurant and not have to listen to anyone talk about how ‘bad’ they are for ordering a side of chips.

You can go see your favourite band without having to pretend that you can actually hear your mate talking about her boyfriend problems – goodbye awkward nodding and smiling.

And you can enjoy a coffee in a busy café and be alone and happy with your own thoughts (when you’re not eavesdropping on Sarah, that is).