Ah, children. What are they good for aside from looking really bloody cute while they’re asleep and spilling the beans on life at home in the only way they know how – with no filter whatsoever.
Redditor MillenialMatriarch called out to the teachers of Reddit to uncover: “What’s the most embarrassing thing a student has shared about their parents in casual conversation?”
In the viral thread, not only did teachers share the tales that probably haunt them, but tons of people with nostalgic childhood anecdotes or stories they’ve heard from other teachers and beyond posted as well.
Basically, kids are frank and funny. And, quite possibly, out with the sole purpose to embarrass you.
His mum is getting what fixed?!
“It was preschool and I had heard that the little boy’s mother was in the hospital. I said to him, ‘I hope your mum is okay and she comes home soon.’ His reply, ‘She’s just getting her boobs fixed.’,” wrote Dramarlo.
They later found out the surgery was a boob job and a tummy tuck. Maybe mum won’t be too specific when talking about enhancement procedures in the future.
Dad had a lot of ~rest~ the night before.
“I was teaching 1st grade and we were working on -ed endings,” wrote estrogyn.
“The word was “rested” and one kid popped up with ‘My daddy got rested last night! There were cops everywhere!’”
Maybe code words with your children should be a thing after all.
Cara’s dad has a *special* garden.
“Wife is a teacher. Apparently Cara’s dad grows his special tobacco in the shed,” wrote brunswoo.
When parents are accidentally outed as drug users.
“I’ve heard lots of kids accidentally out their parents as drug users,” wrote suitology.
“One of the best was when we had to erase the boards and the chalk dust got all over and I started coughing (I used to have really bad asthma). One kid called me a baby and said his dad can snort chalk dust from the pool table.”
A very, very proud son.
There were bodies living in the… home?
“So I grew up in an apartment above a funeral home my parents ran, in second grade we had a daily journal, and I found it a few years ago,” wrote prettycolors99.
Just wait, it gets worse.
“Well there were a lot of times I wrote, Dad got a body last night, or we couldn’t go somewhere because we got another body… I can’t imagine what the teacher thought.”
LISTEN: Dear parents, this is everything teachers want you to know. (Post continues below…)
The best part about it? They ended up taking on the, ahem, family business.
Wait… how did you lose the tooth?
“When I was in kindergarten, we had to write in a journal every week. I recently lost a tooth from my dad washing my face and accidentally knocking it out,” wrote CocoaBagelPuffs.
“I wrote, ‘Yesterday my dad hit my face and knocked my tooth out.’ My mom got a call home about that one.”
A ‘back massager’ is a wonderful contribution to a class project.
“One of my students brought in her mother’s vibrator to school as part of a class project. I teach fifth. It was a very weird day,” wrote vadavkavoria.
“When I spoke with the child’s mother, she was absolutely mortified. She apologised over and over again and thanked me for letting her know. She honestly didn’t even know that her child knew where she kept her… device… let alone that she would believe it would be a good idea to bring it into school.”
Moral of the story? HIDE AND LOCK AWAY ALL YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS.
So the next time your kid’s teacher assigns diary writing homework, you might want to give your child’s journal a once over before they hand it in.