What’s the most embarrassing thing your child has done?
My daughter has named her favourite mermaid doll Titty.
It’s quite a delightful toy, with a green shimmery squishy tail and long woollen hair. I could imagine cuddling her as a child, imagining Titty and I off on adventures in the sea.
She could have come everywhere with me and my toy dog, Boner.
Yes. Titty and Boner – I can see them running amuck Toy Story style with Woody and Buzz.
To tell you the truth, I feel a bit awkward about my daughter’s doll’s name. I know I am meant to be all “it’s just a name and doesn’t mean anything”, I am meant to be blasé and relaxed but I just feel a little weird about it.
I tried the other day to slightly adapt it. We were in the supermarket and my daughter was screaming out loudly distressed at being parted from her favourite mermaid, “I want Titty. I want Titty NOW.”
I tried the subtle consonant change. "Ditty’s in the car," sweetheart I said in my I’m-a-firm-but-caring-mother voice.
"It’s not DITTY Mama," my always-bright nearly four-year-old said. "It’s Titty. T Mama TIT-ty!"
I saw amused glances of other shoppers from the corner of my eye while a group of teenage boys snickered loudly and collapsed on top of themselves in fits of laughter.
I’m torn about exactly how to approach it you see, after all I did have a small stuffed dog called Boner. Obviously my parents were either generously accepting of small children’s faux pas or just didn’t watch much bad 1970’s TV.
It’s not the first time my children have made me want to run far, far away in public.. There was the time my son asked me very loudly, at a large family do if I had ever touched Daddy’s pee-pee, and who can forget the time my daughter asked the lady at the checkout why she was so fat...did she eat all the food in the supermarket?
A quick straw poll amongst my colleagues and friends reveals that I am anything but alone when it comes to completely humiliating children.
One friend’s child’s favourite food is vagina. Vagina, vagina, vagina he asks for dinner. At cafes, in restaurants. What would you like Charlie? Vagina. He says hungrily.