That’s one way to ease the guilt.
“Thank you for looking at this piece of smutty lingerie. I have worn it only while drunk. It looks ridiculous otherwise. Try standing with it on, flat foot in broad day-light. It appears desperate.”
This is the start of an ad on eBay. The owner of the garment is a a 40-year-old woman with three kids who is desperately trying to get rid of the guilt.
The ad goes on to explain that this piece of attire was used during an affair the owner had when she was 25, with a married man.
This piece of wasted time really only pleases the designer who made it. It was sold for £400 to a 40 year old man, 15 years ago, who clearly suffered from an expensive mid-life crisis.
He bought it for the 25 year old shop girl on Sloane Street, he was trying coax to the Savoy with multiple extravagant gifts. By the way, I may also e-bay a laptop, several Hermes scarves, black knee high boots a Chanel coat, a Bulgari ring & a TOM FORD for YSL dress from the same benefactor.
I have shoved this and several other items as listed above in the attic hoping the guilty memories would fade. They don’t. I feel rotten for betraying his wife and accepting these gifts, even if she was as rancid as he claimed. Fast forward 15 years…I’m 40 now and I have 3 kids. She was probably doing her best. What 40-year-old woman is still a wildly fun ride with her husband after multiple children?
And if that isn't enough, the pre-loved garment is really only good for women pre-child birth - before your body starts to age.
I haven’t worn this thing since 2007, before I had children, before my udders tumbled towards my lower ribs and before the abs were nicely coated in cellulite and sagging skin. It’s over. I tried palates at £50 a session with a bully instructor. I’ve tried the roll on “instant results” stomach spreads you have to import from Spain. Jogging gives you “jogger’s face”, that sunken hollow look that may mean you’ve got a fit body, but hell your face looks like the thing Jack Nicholson groped in room 237.
To quote Shakespeare, “every dog has its day”, mine has past. Perhaps you’ve still got a few days left. I suggest heels here, dim lights and a bottle of bourbon. I’m not too bothered about what this thing sells for, but if it does fetch anything at all I will use it towards buying a swim costume that cleverly hides the python wrapped around my waist.
The devilish purple delight sold for $33.15 to some lucky lass. The only catch - they needed to live at least 10, 000 miles away.
Would you buy it?
CLICK THROUGH this gallery for more strange things sold on eBay...
Want more? Try:
Follow iVillage on Facebook
When you become a parent, you don't leave your brain in the delivery suite. That's why mothers with kids of all ages come to themotherish.com; because they're still interested in news about entertainment, health, current affairs and food along with an inspiring and useful stream of parenting advice and support.
Most importantly, they come because they want to hear personal stories of parenting directly from other mothers, without fear of judgement.