'I've always been heavily involved in my daughter's school. This year, I'm making an 'I Don't' list.'

Back-to-school. It’s a time to reflect on school years past and how with every new term, school friend, and overdue library book, the mental load on parents just gets heavier and heavier (and more expensive replacing said library books).

This coming year, we are facing my daughter Summer’s final year of primary school and I’m realising (and Summer told me so) that I have been way more involved in school life than I thought I was. This is not only weird, but increasingly exhausting. 

From every school speech to P&C dance, teacher catch-ups and PSSA sport, I have had a presence in some way or another and quite frankly, I need to channel my inner Elsa and just let it go. 

I really don’t need to be correcting the grammar in Sum’s 2-minute public speaking stint. I don’t need to cut her sandwich into mermaid shell shapes. And I don’t need to feel overwhelmed and frazzled at the end of every day, it doesn’t allow me to be my best self for my kids.

So this year, I am giving some room to breathe and recalibrate with a personal ‘I Don’t’ list for handling the chaos that is sure to come this school year; it will keep my sanity intact and my involvement in check. 

Here's exactly what's on it.

I don’t make my daughter’s lunch.

She knows what she likes and I’m tired of soggy sandwiches coming home wrapped in a half-eaten banana muffin. 

I have set a guide for her to follow in terms of what she can pack and, of course, I'll get the final sign off but putting this task into her hands not only alleviates uneaten stress on my behalf but also gives her the opportunity to take charge of her own health and what she eats. (As I type this, I literally had to remove a packet of Oreos from her lunchbox.) 

Another food-related 'I Don't'? No lunch orders. 

Why? Well, school canteen food is not exactly allergy-friendly for our family as we need to avoid egg and dairy at all costs. I've learned it’s not worth the ‘additional information’ hassle, so we're skipping it this year.

And, considering Summer is already eyeing off this lunch bag from Myer, I intend to make sure it's filled with food and not sitting in the cupboard, replaced by a paper bag she picks up from the canteen at lunch. 

I don’t compromise on quality school shoes.

Painful pads, blushing blisters, aching arches and sore soles. I don’t do ANY of these things which is why Summer and I will be heading to Myer this year to purchase her school shoes. 

In selected Myer stores, The Fit Squad, powered by Shoes & Sox, gives parents the opportunity to have their kids expertly fitted with the right shoes every time. Put the band-aids away, happy kids moving freely is in this year. 

It isn’t just for school shoes, either. Myer also have running shoes too so running, skipping and playing catch-and-kiss is all covered. 

And there’s no need to pay the earth either with Myer offering 20 per cent off school shoes, Clarks sport shoes and black sport shoes. Big yes. 

Image: Supplied.

I don’t go to assemblies.

Unless I know in advance that Summer is getting an award, performing, or involved in some way or another, I just can’t take two hours out of my workday every week to sit in the stuffy school hall and watch kids I don’t know stand on the stage steps for 15 minutes.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them – I just don’t want to watch them do it. When it’s Sum, however, I am there with bells on, literally hooting and hollering in the back of the hall when her name is called. Yep, I am that parent.

I don’t do school drop off or pick up.

We live two minutes up the road from school. Summer has legs, and they work perfectly well. The end. 

I don’t stick to the school stationary list.

Because what they say she needs is never enough. At least two erasers will be covered in texta love hearts and rendered un-useable in the first week, and her ruler either gets sat on or defaced with a rainbow of colours smudging her schoolwork. 

I am also hyper aware that some kids don’t come to school with the resources they need so I always buy extras of everything, especially lead pencils and pens. It makes lending things to other kids easy for Sum and it doesn’t matter if they aren’t returned. 

I don’t spend a cent on Book Week.

Hands down, worst day of the year. I literally dread it. Not only is it odd to watch a group of 11-12 year olds parade around the schoolyard in dress-up, but they look completely miserable whilst doing it. 

And the brainstorming – oh, the brainstorming. Summer never knows what she wants to dress up as and it’s always decided on last minute which sees me scrambling at the shops for what she needs to pull it off. 

This is why I don’t spend one single dollar on book week. And I’m pretty sure she won’t be dressing up as The Very Hungry Caterpillar again anytime soon.

I don’t get to know many school mums.

I find school politics just too taxing on my mental health and to be honest, with working part time, freelance writing and owning a small business, I haven’t got the time necessary to give new friendships the proper love that they deserve. 

I do have a handful of school mum relationships, and I love them – I just won’t actively seek new ones out. I will admit though, I absolutely adore the friendship in Bad Moms so maybe I’ll reconsider for high school.

I don’t do pretty hair.

It’s not worth the tug-of-war that ensues during every plait, every braid and every well-constructed bun. Not to mention that once a school hat is placed on her head, the morning’s work is ruined. 

So Sum is happy to do her hair herself by pulling it into a swift low ponytail with the Elastic and Bow before she charges off to school to play handball before the bell rings.  

My one 'I Do'. 

As much as having an 'I Don’t' list helps with the mental load of back-to-school as well as the school year in general, I also have one massive I Do – I do ask how my daughter’s day was. I really ask. And I really listen.

Every day when she gets home from school, I take my eyes off my computer and spin my office chair around to watch her take her school shoes off and run her bag downstairs to then return to give me a kiss and sit on the office floor where I’ll ask, ‘how was your day?’.

From there, she does a full debrief on her day: what she did in class, what she played at lunch and who she played with. She will freely tell me if she’s had any challenges with friends or schoolwork. 

By simply giving her the floor and the space to let the day go is immensely freeing for her and has really created a sense of trust and connection between us. She knows that no matter how heavy my mental (or physical) load has been on any day, I will always turn that chair and disconnect in order to really connect with her. 

Myer has everything kids need to make a fresh and fun start to the school year.

Feature Image: Supplied.

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