IT'S THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT
TELEVISION FINALE POLITICAL EVENT OF THE YEAR.
The polls have closed. Thousands of shops have been boarded up. And America *checks notes*... isn't great again.
Goodness. We really hope that supporting actor from Home Alone 2 doesn't get recast.
No one can handle another four years of this sh*t. No one.
It all began four years ago when the host of The Apprentice – yes, a god damn reality TV star – was elected President of the United States.
Yes, the polls were wrong. And for everyone, including Trump himself, it was a huge surprise.
Hillary Clinton's supporters were seen clutching each other and crying in the streets. But no one was crying as hard as the journalists who had already prepared countless articles celebrating Clinton's win.