Content note: This post contains details of violence and emotional abuse and may be triggering for some readers.
*The author of this post is known to Mamamia, but has chosen to write only under her first name.
I was 26 at the time.
I mention these points specifically because I want you to know one thing: abuse does not discriminate.
I landed myself on the other end of an abuser after going on two dates with a guy. While organising our third date via text message, he turned nasty and manipulative. It only took two dates.
At first he was curious, chatty, confident and intelligent. We talked about what we both liked in a partner including physicality, morals, and shared interests. We laughed, shared a mix of light-hearted and deep conversations. The sexual chemistry was there, but at times I felt he wanted to rush things.
Having met guys previously via online dating, I felt comfortable with the process and didn’t notice any immediate red flags. This time I actually I felt a sense of safety in meeting him as the companies we both worked for did business together.
We had organised to meet at the pub, but he then asked me to pick him up on the way as his company car hadn’t arrived yet. The only odd cue was that he asked to be picked up in a nearby carpark, not outside his house. At the time I didn’t think this was too strange considering it was a first date and thought he was just being security conscious.
While organising our third date via text he became agitated that I wasn’t agreeing to meet him at a time and date that he chose. When I declined his offer the conversation took a turn.
A cycle began whereby he would lash out with offensive lies, I would assert myself, then he would back down and apologise, so I would then in turn soften. My answer did not change but my approach did as I thought he may have been mentally unstable, so I didn’t want to flare up the situation.
When this method didn’t work the abuse crept back into the conversation, and round two began, a little heavier than the time before it.
Some of the personal attacks included telling me I’m a slut, whore, fat, had “a smelly pussy”, no wonder I was single. It went on.
Some of the threats consisted of telling my employer that I was a liar and stole money from his wallet (for which he demanded I be sacked), telling me that he would report me to the police for stealing from him, that I gave him an STD, and even report me to the police for raping him – ALL of which was completely fabricated and not even possible.