'Doja Cat looks like my forehead acne.' 8 thoughts I had about that wild Schiaparelli fashion show.

The Schiaparelli spring 2023 couture show took place in Paris this week.

You have probably seen the photos, namely of Disney's Lion King live action characters attached to the necks of Kardashians and Doja Cat dressed like my 16-year-old forehead acne. 

Fashion is wild, huh? And yes, I know couture is meant to be wacky. It's art. But goodness. I'm still stuck in the late 2020 'sweatpants are now acceptable everywhere' moment. I wasn't ready for Doja Cat's red crystal skin.

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Here are my very unprofessional thoughts and feelings about what just transpired in the French capital.

1. 'A PETA statement will hit my inbox any second'.

I took one look at Kylie Jenner dressed as a giant lion and instantly thought about PETA's public relations team. I'm not sure what exactly that says about me. 

BUT ANYWAY.

I WAS RIGHT TO THINK OF THEM.

Kylie wore a lion head to sit front row at the show and Irina Shayk took it down the runway, which also featured Shalom Harlow with a large snow leopard head on her bustier, Naomi Campbell with an enormous wolf's head on her shoulder.

Unsurprisingly, a lot of people mistook the heads as actual, brutal taxidermy reminiscent of poaching or trophy hunting and were horrified.

Thankfully, the designs were all man made out of faux fur, foam and resin - which both Schiaparelli and Kylie reiterated in their Instagram captions.

It's those details that led to a truly spectacular plot twist: PETA are HERE FOR THIS.

PETA President Ingrid Newkirk told Page Six the animal heads were "fabulously innovative" and shows that we have no need to harm animals for fashion.

"We encourage everyone to stick with 100 per cent cruelty-free designs that showcase human ingenuity and prevent animal suffering," Newkirk said.

2. 'This front row is giving The Lion, The Witch and The Period'.

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It also looks like all my sleep paralysis demons have come together to stage an intervention. 

No further thoughts, just fear.

3. 'If I was famous, this is what I would wear to every event'.

Ludovic de Saint Sernin is a comfortable icon. Image: Getty.

On one hand, this look represents venturing outside to grab your Uber Eats while violently hungover. On the other, it's giving 'grab a wine and a face mask because its self-care Sunday'.

And there is nothing better than a versatile look.

4. 'I would rather do absolutely anything other than sit still for FIVE HOURS to have ruby red crystals glued to my body'.

We all have the same amount of hours in a day, and some of us choose to spend five of them having 30,000 red crystals glued to our faces.

Fair enough, no judgement, etc.

Okay, so maybe a tiny bit of judgement. Image: Getty.

Doja Cat's much talked about, all-red look took a total of four hours, 58 minutes. Which is just... too long, especially when someone turns up to the same event wearing a fluffy dressing gown.

Makeup artist Pat McGrath said it was supposed to evoke the feel of a live sculpture sitting front row. 

My reaction was leaning more menstrual, but sure.

"Doja's sublime patience during the 4 hours and 58 minutes it took to create the look with #TeamPatMcGrath, which was covered in over 30,000 hand-applied @swarovski Crystals, was inspiring," McGrath wrote on Instagram.

Incredible.

5. 'Come on, Doja Cat must've known the period jokes were coming'.

YES, it's impressive but also ridiculous, and yes it's the most 'fashion' thing we've seen in a while.

But you simply cannot dress in head-to-toe red and not expect someone to joke the outfit was giving 'if my period was couture'.

my period & I meeting for the start of my monthly downfall pic.twitter.com/kI9ejIabon

— eve (@_blueve) January 23, 2023

I'm sorry. You just can't.

6. 'You know that itchy feeling when there's a hair on your face or down your top, and you cannot for the life of you find it? Yeah, THAT. TIMES ONE HUNDRED'.

There are multiple photos of Kylie Jenner's hand pushing the lion's mane away from her face and IT JUST LOOKS SO ITCHY, IT MAKES ME SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

IT WOULD BE SO ANNOYING. Image: Getty.

7. 'The person under this giant mask is the hero we all need'.

Sure, Doja can sit very still, and Kylie can carry Mufasa.

BUT THIS PERSON CAN WALK STRAIGHT IN A BRASS HELME T THAT LOOKS LIKE IT WANTS TO KILL YOU.

I'd give them personal credit but I don't know who they are. The photographer simply labelled them 'a model' on the photo agency site. 

All good!!! I totally get it!!! Image: Getty.

I salute you, Mystery Mask Person (from afar, because you also terrify me).

8. 'Pants are optional in 2023'.

Save the money you would spend on pants and spend it on a face for your bag instead. :D Image: Getty.

There's a cost-of-living crisis and something simply had to give.

Remove those jeans from your cart. Pants are dead.

Feature image: Getty.

TAKE SURVEY ➤