'I’m sorry for eating that' and other things your dog would never say to your face.

If dogs could speak, what would they say?

It’s a question many of us have thought at some point before realising it would just be one run-on sentence: “I’m hungry, let’s walk, pay attention to me, pay attention to me, pay attention to me…”

Not great.

But what about the things they wouldn’t say?

The video playing above captures some of our favourite phrases a dog would never say. We even recruited two fidos to act it out.

You’d be amazed what you can find on Airtasker nowadays. (Remember when we airtasked one of our writers a boyfriend for a day?)


Here are some other ideas of 'what dogs would never say' that didn't make it to the big screen:

I’m sorry for eating that.

That weird smell is because I spewed behind the fridge.

I just farted, don’t walk there.

I don’t want your leftovers.

Did you drop this before offering it to me?

I am not looking forward to you coming home.

I have a bad feeling about your new boyfriend.

Don’t be shocked but I shredded the bath mat.

I am actually not hungry but thank you for the offer. 

If you can think of some more, comment below.  We're just waiting for an excuse to use those costumes again - I mean, hire those dogs.

Dogs may not be able to speak but that doesn't mean they're not useful. Medical research going back as far as the 1980s can attest to the physical and mental benefits offered by canine companions.

It's been proven they can lower blood pressure, assist with recovery from heart disease, improve mental health and even boost self-esteem.

Sure. They're no anxious goat in a duck costume but they're pretty damn good. Much better than cats.