I love my mothers’ group and I didn’t want another. But now I’ve got something else to worry about…

There’s a little boy at a birthday party, and all the adults are staring at him. Balloons swirl, songs are sung, there are piles of presents, kids tear around, playing and screeching and pulling hair.

But around the boy, there’s a little bubble of still silence as he sits alone, staring at his store-bought Thomas cake. Wondering where his friends are. A lone tear rolls down his pudgy two-year-old cheek…

http://ivillageau.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/files/mother-group-lonely-boy-jpg.jpg Is it my job to make sure my boy has friends?

That's where my anxiety fantasy screeches to a halt. There goes another five minutes I could have been filling with something really useful - like, you know, actual sleep - has evaporated, and I'm lying here worrying about The Ways I'm Screwing Up My Child, #34989.

Currently, my worry is my two-year-old's social life. Yep. His social life.

When I had my first child my unexpected push present was my Mother's Group. A diverse bunch of feisty women who were thrown together by a coincidence of dates and location and bonded by the intense fire of early motherhood.

They were the people who came by to help me and leave food when I broke my arm with a five-month-old at home. They were the women who saw tears of exhaustion and frustration and took them with the sensible sympathy of the similarly afflicted. They were the women who babysat for each other as we headed back out into the world. And those were the women who helped each other through baby illnesses, feeding frustrations and childcare crises.

But aside from what we did for each other, one of the best things about Mother's Group was that our children became friends. And have stayed that way.

That gang of kids is now four and a half. Among the gaggle there are cliques and breakaway gangs, tight little twosomes and a couple of sworn enemies. All these kids know each other well and see each other often.

They're always at the birthday parties.

I didn't join a Mothers' Group with my second child, my little boy. My reasoning was that I didn't need to. I had my circle of mum support, and surely, this time I know what I'm doing? But when I made that decision, I was thinking about me, not my son. And now I worry he has no friends.

Is that entirely ridiculous?

Look, he 'knows' some peeps. He has a couple of other well-timed siblings from our MG. One of whom was born only days earlier. And he's in family day care now, where he has a couple of little girl mates who he likes to chase and kiss.

http://ivillageau.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/files/mother-group-babies-jpg.jpg My daughter's had her posse since they were this big.

But now my over-cultivated motherly anxiety is keeping me awake yelling at me that my choice not to go out and find him his own circle of peers has given him a classic second-child disadvantage.

That same second-childness has meant that he doesn't really go to playgroups like his big sister did (because she'd be bored), or indeed, any activities that are ever really only about him and his needs. He mostly tags along with whatever we're doing to keep his big sister happy.

Poor little man. Sitting all alone at his birthday party. Looking at his store-bought cake.

Sigh. Toss. Yawn. I'll worry about it tomorrow.

What do you think? Did you join a Mother's Group with every child? And is it our duty to find our kids a social circle?

Like this? Try: My letter to the cool mums - why can't my kids play with yours? How I befriended my son's bully.