Most men have this belief that women would like them to last for a really long time.
Especially inexperienced young men who have received most of their sex education by looking at porn. They see professional actors with porn-star bodies perform unrealistic fantasy sex – with a rock-hard penis – lasting for a very long time. It’s no surprise that for some men all these expectations can damage their confidence.
Unfortunately we are bombarded with society’s ideals of male sexuality in the media, which create unrealistic expectations of how a man should look like and perform in the bedroom. These advertisements prey on the insecurities of men who often have no sexual dysfunction at all.
One of my clients was a 19-year-old man who met a girl he really liked and wanted to make sure he would be a good lover. He’d had some flings with girls before, but he was worried that he only lasted for about 10 minutes. When I explained that the “average” ejaculation time is between three and seven minutes, he could hardly believe it. He thought it should be at least 20 minutes because some of his “mates” told him they could last for half an hour or more! He left my office with a confident, big smile on his face.
But some men come very quickly, sometimes they only last two minutes or less and suffer what’s called premature ejaculation (PE) a condition that about 30 per cent of the male population suffer from, at some time in their lives. Often it’s not physical but psychological – inexperience and worry can cause performance anxiety. When a man anticipates problems about his performance, it can become a self-fulfilling fear and it’s not unusual to also start losing erections – coming quickly is bad enough – losing an erection is terrifying.
Spicing up your sex life isn’t as hard as it might seem. (Post continues below.)
Another client, let’s call him James, a gorgeous 24-year-old young man, had sex for the first time when he was 17 and was very excited, but he ended up losing his erection. At the time he blamed it on being drunk and it took him a while to try again. But after several attempts it didn’t get any better and he became convinced there was physically something wrong with him. He saw his GP who suggested he try Viagra, a well-known erectile dysfunction drug, which didn’t make him feel much better.
He had some more encounters with women who, overall, weren’t very understanding when he lost his erection. One wondered if he was gay and another told everyone at work what a dud he was, the morning after they hooked up at a work function. He stopped having sex for about four years. He was traumatised and put all his energies into study and work to avoid being disappointed again. But after meeting a girl at university who he really liked, he decided to do something about it and came to see me.