I started my first diet at the tender age of 11. I had always been a chubby kid, and a number of influences led me to believe that not only did I need to be “skinny” (note: not healthy) to be happy, but also that a drastic diet was the only possible way to get there.
It was a time when young girls wanted to look like Paris Hilton or Christina Aguilera, and there wasn’t a whole lot of body type variety in Hollywood — or the media, for that matter. Is it any wonder so many of us have body image issues?
As 2015 wrapped up, I came to the realisation that my New Years Resolution for the past decade has, without fail, been to start a diet. Every. Single. Year. Here’s a definitive list of every ridiculous eating plan I’ve subjected my body to in this time. And, *spoiler alert*: Not one of them worked.
The 5:2 Diet
Is it just me, or are everyone’s parents on this diet? I can see why it works on paper, but it seems like a fancy way to be hungry.
The Paleo Diet
With a focus on unprocessed and whole foods, paleo is supposedly similar to the diet of our ancestors. That’s all well and good, but I simply don’t want to live in a world where I can’t eat grains.
Watch: Meaghan Ramsey discusses the effects of low self-esteem. (Post continues after video.)
The “drink this expensive tea” diet
If you’re a tea fanatic like me, this regimen sounds like a dream. What they don’t tell you is the majority of so-called “weight loss” teas are just fancy laxatives. Hello poop city.
At least you’re full from all the protein, but that lack of fibre will get you. Goodbye poop city.
The South Beach Diet
I recently went to South Beach in Miami, and found no evidence the tanned and toned people who live there follow this diet.