There’s a saying that the person you marry is different from the person you divorce.
In my case, that was so true. The last six months of my marriage was miserable. I had lost all respect for my husband, a man whom I once adored and had much faith in.
So, what happened? A lot.
Watch: How I knew my relationship was over. Post continues after video.
By almost the end, we were so far gone that there was no coming back. I knew that, but when my husband finally accepted there “might be a real problem” (facepalm) and we should see a marriage counsellor, I thought I owed our baby son to give it a go.
Our counsellor was a young woman, approximately my age – early 30s at the time. She had a ‘spark’, a comfort with herself and smile, that I envied immediately because I had felt so downtrodden and distraught for so long.
I think she saw that. I think she saw a woman her age, married to a man two decades older, who opened the session with “my wife has been very difficult since she had a baby”, and thought, RUN.
Which is why she said within 30 minutes of our session: “look, I don’t ever really say this to anyone. But sometimes two people have such irreconcilable differences of values and life goals, they fundamentally can’t make a relationship work. I think you at least needs some time apart, if not end the marriage.”
The woman saved me – she recognised that I was just hitting my head against a wall trying to get through to a middle-aged man who was stubborn and deeply believed that all would be fixed if I just changed my attitude.
Well, he was right in a way.
If I just accepted him saying: “Don’t you understand how hard I work? You have no respect for me”, when I was so sleep-deprived and needed a Saturday morning sleep-in because he never - not even once - woke up for our baby overnight – we’d be ok.
If I just accepted him calling me a “vicious bitch” when I became infuriated upon him eating cashew nuts and then touching our son, sparking an anaphylactic reaction - which he knew would happen - we’d be ok.