To protect the safety of the interviewee in this story, all names and several key identifying details have been significantly altered.

This article reflects one woman's account of her relationship and experiences.

Kylie* knew her husband would make leaving him painful.

So, when he was the one to finally ask for a divorce, the mother breathed a sigh of relief.

The marriage had been breaking down for a prolonged period, but she didn't want to be the person who called time.

"Looking back, he was a very passive-aggressive man, and I was getting sick of that," she told Mamamia. "I actually held on for longer than what I really wanted to.

"In the end, he was the one to call things."

Watch: How to support someone going through a separation or divorce. Post continues after video.

While relieved, Kylie was scared about what might lie ahead.

Kylie knew it could get nasty; she had no way of knowing just how bad, and how long, things would get.

What is 'lawfare'.

Kylie is one of a growing number of women who have experienced a divorce tactic, known as "lawfare". Experts are sounding the alarm over it, saying it's becoming more common.

Award-winning family lawyer, Joplin Higgins OAM and cofounder of Dear Divorce Diary podcast, said the goal is to wear the other party down completely.

"Lawfare is when the legal system itself becomes the weapon," she told Mamamia. "They're worn down when they leave the relationship, and then it's just another battle.

"For me personally, I really saw an increase in this during COVID and post-COVID. There's been a real difference in the way in which family law is approached."

In practice, lawfare doesn't involve one single dramatic act. It's characterised by a pattern of delay, obstruction and procedural pressure.

"It can happen before you even get into court: dragging on a simple task, unnecessary letters, taking issue with every point," Joplin explained, giving a common scenario of disputes over property valuations as an example.

"It's then the rubbish antics of not agreeing on a valuer, not making the house available. Instead of two letters, it now turns into eight letters. It's the nuanced, little things that people go, 'Oh, well', and they don't look at it as a pattern of this bigger type of abuse."

In Joplin's eyes, lawfare can be used as an extension of family violence where the legal system itself is used as the mechanism to maintain control.

"It is a form of financial abuse, and it's another way to keep the victim engaged with the perpetrator," she said. "It's really hard for victims of family violence to actually manoeuvre it, because the family violence is never just one type of violence; it mutates to control and coerce the victim.

Joplin said females are predominantly the victims.

"There's a gender inequality you can see across all aspects of women's lives — earning capacity, time out of the workforce, superannuation," she said. "And it creeps into how things are litigated when systematic abuse is taking place."

'He dragged out the whole process.'

In Kylie's case, a settlement wouldn't be reached for a long time.

As the dispute escalated, the communication itself became part of the pressure.

Negotiations spiralled. Even when it appeared that an agreement had been reached, conflict would return.

"We'd think we had come to an agreement and then he would say, 'oh no, I've changed my mind about that. We can't do that now'," Kylie said. "He just dragged out the whole process to try and wear me down by changing his mind about little things and being difficult.

The legal pressure took its toll on Kylie.

"There were times when I was very tempted to agree to it," she said, referring to the proposed split.

"I got less than what I wanted, but not as much as he wanted," Kylie said. "I just didn't have the emotional energy. I just wanted to get on with my life and just leave that chapter behind.

"But it's impacted my financial situation."

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How to protect against lawfare.

For other women, staring down the barrel of a contentious divorce, Kylie said the key is to stay organised.

"Keep records of absolutely everything," she said. "Keep all your emails, keep all your texts, and make sure you do the right thing all the time."

Joplin agreed and said the most effective protection women have is to arm themselves with advice.

"Women need to get advice early, and if they're thinking of leaving, they should get that advice before they leave," Joplin said. "That's the first thing. So, then they understand how the process works."

Crucial to understanding the process is gathering important documents, such as financial records, property information, superannuation details, and anything else that may become difficult to access later.

"Women don't necessarily need to get advice on what they're entitled to first up," she explained. " What they really need to understand is, 'these are the documents that I will need when I go to my lawyer and I tell her it's all over. These are the things I need to take from the house, because once I leave the home, I'm never going to be able to go back'."

Looking back, Kylie said she wishes she could have spoken more openly about what was happening sooner, instead of carrying it in silence.

"Be honest with people, don't be ashamed," she said. "I was really ashamed of how I'd let him treat me. I thought people would think that I'm just a real doormat and pathetic," she explained.

"But you have to just be vulnerable and open with people you feel confident to do that with, because, you know, they will help you see things differently and support you."

*Names have been changed to protect identities.

If you or anyone you know needs to speak with an expert, please contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) — the National Sexual Assault, Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service. If you are in immediate danger, call 000.

RizeUp Australia is Mamamia's chosen charity partner, a nation-wide organisation that walks with victim-survivors of domestic and family violence to deliver practical, life-changing support. RizeUp supports women and families as they rebuild safety and stability after violence. Donate here to create safe homes and new beginnings.

Feature Image: Getty. (Stock image for illustrative purposes)