couples

'I divorced my husband. Then I quickly realised it was a mistake.'

I am a divorced mum and I regret my divorce. Even though some time has passed, I still think about my marriage, my children and my husband and all the moments we had together. After some time spent separated from my husband, I came to the conclusion that divorce was the easy way out.

Let’s see how it all started.

I met my ex-husband while volunteering at an NGO organisation in my university years. We had about three years of friendship before realising that we were made for each other. The first years were full of beautiful moments, travelling adventures and getaway weekends. We both loved animals and nature. After a while, he proposed to me. I still remember that magical moment when I was surrounded by a wave of happiness and excitement.

Years passed, and we started a family. We have two beautiful daughters that are the light of our eyes. We started to concentrate more on children, and less on our relationship. We stopped keeping the passion and fire of our love alive. Children became our priority and I regret nothing about this. After reading online, I realised that there are a lot of mums who go through this. There are a lot of couples who struggle to make their children happy and keep them safe.

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Without realising what was happening, we decided to divorce. It was a decision we both agreed with. We saw it as a solution to avoid arguments we were having too often. It was a solution to offer our children a peaceful and pleasant environment where they could develop properly. We thought that if they didn't see us arguing, they'd be happier. And, of course, we thought that if we did not see each other and did not live together anymore, we would be happier.

But it turns out, I regretted getting divorced.

In all the time I spent as a single mum, I realised it is more difficult than it seems. Most of my time I was busy with my job and keeping my children clean and happy, and I was starting to feel lonely. I started to appreciate the support my ex-husband had offered me. 

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I started to accept my condition as a single mum and I wanted to create my own life. I started running. I started going out with some friends and trying to meet new people. I went through all the stages after divorce until I realised something. I realised that my divorce was a mistake. It was a decision taken under the control of negative emotions. It was a decision taken because of our egos, not because it was the right one. We thought that everything would be OK, and life would be easier if we were separated. While this might be the best decision for some couples, it was not for us.

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So, what to do next?

I needed to communicate my feelings with the father of my children. I wanted to let him know what I was thinking and feeling. So, even though we met from time to time because we needed to talk about children, I invited him on a walk in the park. He accepted. I had realised the reason we divorced in the first place was because we lacked communication. It was a nice walk and we both openly communicated about what we thought went wrong. I discovered his perspective on our relationship. I discovered that he was still in love with me, although we did not make time for each other. The time spent without him made me realise the same thing.

We got back together and now we are happier than before. I am so glad that we got through this. Because even if this period was full of sadness, loneliness and low moments, it made me realise something very important: we had forgotten so much about ourselves and our love. And we forgot to communicate, which is the most important thing in a relationship.

What to extract from my personal experience? Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Yes, in some cases, divorce might be the best solution. But only time will tell if it was a good decision to divorce or not.

And if you come to the conclusion that it is not, the best way to approach the situation is to talk about it.

Reconciliation might still be possible.

This article originally appeared on Divorced Moms and has been republished with full permission.