Divorce and what happens afterwards…

I think single mothers are amazing. A-MAZ-ING. It’s hard enough with two, involved, supportive parents who live in the same house. That’s what I have and yet I STILL find it incredibly difficult sometimes and I bitch and moan not infrequently (cue teeny tiny violins). So my heart goes out to mothers (and fathers) who are doing it alone.

I received this email from one such mother this week, looking for some collective wisdom. Jay writes….

I am divorced, with two children who live with me. Recently, my 7 year old’s behaviour has been getting worse.

She has always been a bit of a challenge but she’s recently upped the ante. Its a lot of my own fault in that over the years, its been easier sometimes to give in to her demands. Mainly because I am on my own, with two children, no support and I was studying and now I’m working full time. I’m exhausted a lot of the time and that’s why I’ve given in a bit.

I’ve explained to her that she has to show me that she can behave rather than just tell me that she will but if she doesn’t get her way she flies into these vile tantrums, the most recent of which had her telling me I shouldn’t be a mummy. That really hurt. She’s told me she hates me as well which is awful. Her worst comments are about how much better daddy is. This morning I very maturely replied that its easy to be the good one when you only see your kids twice a week. I’m really ashamed that I said that but I was at the end of my rope.

I wondered if anyone had any suggestions for help? This child is so sweet and wonderful most of the time, her teachers rave about her, other parents tell me how sweet she is and sometimes she is so loving to me it brings tears to my eyes. But as the old nursery rhyme goes “..when she is bad she is horrid”. All suggestions gratefully received. Thanks.

I’m going to give link details for Relationships Australia where you can find loads of information about every kind of relationship issue (including this one) as well as contacts for good counsellors in your local area. I’m also going to open this one up for advice and input from you….

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Can you relate to what Jayhay is going through? Any suggestions?

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