I never wanted to yell at my kids. But of course, I did. Here’s how I learned to stop.

I grew up in a house filled with shouting. We shouted when we were happy, sad, angry, hungry. Yelling was part of everyday life.

Except it never failed to terrify me. I never became used to it. It always startled me because yelling could be so scary, especially when mum and dad were mad and I was in trouble. To this day, shouting upsets me. So you can imagine how horrified I was when I found myself yelling at my own children.

http://ivillageau.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/files/Mother-yelling.jpg How I worry my daughter sees me.

I'm not sure how or why it started. It was the culmination of financial stress, their constant verbal sparring, tension, being busy... it was a tension relief. The kids would do something naughty, the tension would build, I would yell and feel immediate relief.

Then intense guilt would take over. The looks on their faces upset me so much. They were scared, startled, fearful. I was horrified that I had become the kind of parent I dreaded, the kind of mother I swore I would never become. It turned out to be a hard habit to break.

I made a conscious effort not to yell and although I often felt the urge (programmed into me from my childhood), I managed to stop myself most of the time.

Weeks later, I called out to Philip to please bring me the phone charger. Nobody was in trouble, he was just on the other side of the house and I couldn't be bothered getting up and walking there. My little girl started hysterically crying. I explained to her that I wasn't angry, that nobody was in trouble and hugged her tightly. She kept saying, "You scared me Mum, you scared me."

I knew as I held my daughter that I was NEVER going to raise my voice around my children again, unless we were watching a sporting event and even then I'd be care what I said. Swift action was needed. I refused to be the kind of mother who yelled in anger and scared her children.

I staged an intervention, on myself, and came up with 8 things to do instead of shouting. I still feel the urge to yell, I still feel angry and upset, but I always turn to these actions instead. They work, every time:

2. Just breathe

3. Tickling is a great diffuser

Try giving him a no-brainer ultimatum.

5. Copycats

6. Check in

7. Firm boundaries

8. Find the feeling

 Do you shout at your kids?