'My 13-year-old was blackmailed for nudes online. The culprit wasn't who I expected.'

My daughter is 13. It's a funny age. 

She's my height and in hair and makeup she could pass for 18. Yet most days she's bare-faced and wants to play ballerinas.

Being a teenager is a tricky; half adult, half child. I remember it. 

I remember feeling self-conscious about my growing breasts and spending one summer with my arms crossed over my chest in case anyone noticed. I remember the first time a man closer to my dad's age looked me up and down and made me scared.

But despite this I rode out my tricky teen years easily in a world of friends, pen pals, books and school. And when at home the only harassment was my older brother teasing and was quickly stopped with a quick shout of "Muuuuuuuuuuum!"

Watch: Things Parents of Teens Just Get. Post continues after video.

For my sweet girl though harassment can follow her everywhere, and anytime.

Last weekend after playing dress ups, she and I were chilling having some 'phone time' as she calls it. I was engrossed in a group chat about Airfryers and she was on Snapchat.

A few minutes later, she said "look" and showed me her phone screen.

The message read: "U r so hot - I want to f**ck you."Then below…"Send me a nude or I will leak your address... I can see where you are."Our address appeared on the screen: it was dead accurate right down to the street number.

Despite being old enough to know better, I feel violated and intimidated.

"Send it or I share your address..."

Then a picture appeared on the screen... It was him.

He was not the creepy middle-aged guy I was expecting. 

He was a 13 or 14-year-old boy with a sweet, freckled face and neatly cut hair. He looked like the teenage boys my friends have.

I asked my daughter who he was, she said she didn't know but was snapping friends of friends to build up her snap score and he started messaging her.

I told her what he is doing is illegal.

My sassy daughter wrote back: "Have fun at police station bro."

Immediately he messaged: "I won't do anything - don't report me. I was just trying to help you know you shouldn't be sharing your location"

My daughter scoffed out loud- "Oh so it's MY fault is it?"

She's a good feminist.

I wanted to report this boy, this boy whose parents probably think he's gaming while they are watching Netflix in the other room.

It was only when my daughter's cool demeanor cracked, and she begged me not to snitch because she was afraid of being bullied that I hesitated. When I ask if this has happened before she said it happens a lot. "Boys message us girls saying we're ugly or they would want to f**k us". 

Listen: How To Have the Difficult Conversations That Keep Your Kids Safe. Post continues after podcast.

She's 13, she still likes dress ups and soft toys yet she's getting the exact same treatment I see doled out to prominent, adult women on social media every day.

A few weeks later I see a friend I met when both our girls were in kindy. She tells me her daughter seemed upset the night before and was hiding in her room.

Eventually my friend prised out of her that she'd been getting some "weird" messages on snapchat. As she held up her phone the dick pics appeared, not one but two in rapid succession. 

My friend was at a loss as to what to do. Frozen. Her daughter then begged her mum not to snitch and not even to tell her dad and started crying.

My friend's daughter loves Taylor Swift, sparkles and netball. She's 13.

At a time where women in the media or in public life say they are constantly being barraged with threats of rape and murder online it seems that our girls are suffering the same fate.

And the senders of these messages aren't random predatory men, these are the boys from  school, or friends of friends who are also young teens.  What have these young boys seen online themselves to make them think this is the norm?

While I wanted to report the boy harassing my daughter I can see why she begged me not to.  She's being harassed just for existing online, what fresh hell would be unleashed on her if she actually takes a stand?

While the Australian E safety commissioner Julie Inman Grant is in a David and Goliath battle with tech companies to help keep children safe, knowing she too is receiving countless death and rape threats it's hard to know what to say to my daughter who is copping the same at the tender age of 13.

While some say it's up to parents to control their kids' use of social media, others say it needs a top down approach. Just like how pool fences became law in order to help stop children drowning in combination with parental oversight and teaching our kids how to swim when it became clear that "awareness and parental responsibility could only help so much."

Without any top down framework to help keep our young people safe online, and while the battle rages this week around age limitations for social media use I know that until our big tech companies decide to genuinely help the most I can do is to help my daughter to develop the skills to fight back, to know her rights and to engage in a kind of hand to hand combat with each boy that feels like he has the right to harass her sexually. 

Call me naive but I had hoped that she might have had a bit more time living without the mental and emotional load all of us women carry as we try to escape harassment in real life and online. Don't get me wrong, social media can be amazing and a place for connection and creativity but until the giants of the tech world use that brilliance to help get on board with protecting our young people, all of our young children will suffer the consequences.

Kate Browne has almost two decades of experience in the media as an editor, writer and broadcaster. She has written for the Sydney Morning Herald, the Sun Herald, and news.com.au and Yahoo. 

Feature Image: Supplied.