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Just 5 of the most ridiculous storylines to ever play out on Days of Our Lives.

There are few guarantees in life. Death. Taxes. And Days of Our Lives. But that’s all looking a little shaky at the moment, with news the classic American soap could be facing an “indefinite hiatus” at the end of the month.

According to a report by TVLine, the cast have all been released from their contracts, as US network NBC decides whether to renew the series for a 56th season in 2020. (Yep, 56th! Sands through the hourglass, and all that.)

While neither the cast nor the show’s production company Corday Productions, Inc. has commented on the status of the negotiations, several outlets have quoted ‘anonymous insiders’ who insist that it’s all situation normal in Salem: “The show will almost definitely get renewed and this was not news to literally anyone on the show, nor is anyone truly concerned”.

Let’s bloody hope so. After all, Days of Our Lives (or Days or DoOL, to true fans) has given television audiences some of the most wonderful(ly ridiculous) plotlines ever committed to film.

So given this week’s rumours have us feeling a little scared and a lot nostalgic, let’s take a look back at them, shall we? In no particular order…

Swamp girl.

When Bo and Billie found Greta von Amberg, she lived in a New Orleans swamp. She was dirty, heavily scarred, and slept in a cave. Until… makeover! A shower, a bit of a trim, some experimental laser surgery, et voila.

Turned out Swamp Girl Greta was actually a Princess: the daughter of notorious con artist, Princess Gina. But to claim her royal title, Swamp Girl Greta had to overcome a virtual Garden of Eden, where she faced obstacles including her mother, Witch Sami, and Satan. Yeah. That guy.

Oh, speaking of…

When Marlena was possessed by the devil.

Depending on who you ask, this is either the best storyline to ever appear on daytime television, or the dumbest.

In 1995, Marlena Evans was given mind-altering drugs by Salem’s arch-villain Stefano DiMera, which came with the unfortunate side effect of leaving her open to demonic possession. She had all the classic symptoms: speaking in tongues, yellow eyes that can shoot laser beams, arsonist tendencies, ability to levitate AND morph into a jaguar.

Thankfully, her on-again-off-again husband, John Black, who happened to be a priest at the time, was able to perform an exorcism. Phewph!

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Oh, and also when she killed an entire town. But not really.

Look, the early 2000s wasn’t the best time for Days, ratings-ways. And we all know what that means in soap land: desperate, ridiculous plotlines. Hooray!

Enter the Salem Stalker. Residents of Salem started being serially snuffed by a cloaked figure — some were bludgeoned to death with bricks and wine bottles, others… well, Cassie Brady fall out of a Halloween piñata with stab wounds, Tony DiMera was mauled by a liberated circus tiger, and Alice Horton choked after having her world-famous donuts stuffed into her mouth.

In a spectacular, ratings-recouping reveal, the serial killer was unmasked as Marlena, who was arrested, then shot dead on the roof of a prison.

Then, well, viewers tuned out again, and so PLOT TWIST. (Stick with me.) The entire town is alive on a tropical island called Melaswen (New Salem, spelled backwards), having been kidnapped by a bloke called Andre, who had replaced them with doppelgängers so he could brainwash Marlena into thinking she was a serial killer.

Oh, and Marlena hadn’t died after all. Watch…

When Carly was buried alive.

Even after the whole Malena demonic possession thing, this was dark. Vivian Alamain decided to exact revenge on her nemesis, Carly Manning, by injecting her with a drug that made it appear that she had carked it.

Cut to Carly waking up inside a grave, with Viv tormenting her via a radio.

The Gemini Twins.

When a meteor shower hit the town of Salem in 2002, two ridiculously attractive youths were found on the side of the road wearing nothing but aluminum foil. They spoke no English, so naturally, everyone assumed they were aliens who’d fallen to earth with all the space rocks.

That is, until genetic testing unmasked the so-called ‘Gemini Twins’ as the IVF-created offspring of Roman Brady and Kate Roberts; a hairbrained scheme by old mate Stefano. Good timing, because the girl twin — Cassie — had been cracking on to a bloke who turned out to be her half brother.

Ah, Days. May it never, ever end.

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