When you are single, people love to ask what you’re looking for.
Fortunately, I know exactly what I want. I want to have fun. And I want to do it with tall, dark and handsome men in their early 20s.
To date in the midst of a global pandemic, dating apps are your only friend. After downloading them and building my profiles almost immediately post-breakup - and with enough decent chats and dates to reinstill my confidence (and interest) in men over the last year, paired with my successful post-breakup glow-up and turning 30 with zero emotional turmoil - I was ready for a great summer. I was willing and open to pour A LOT of energy into giving these apps the best shot.
Watch: The horoscopes, dating. Post continues below.
So when I sat myself down one temperate January evening with a red wine handy for a wild night of swiping, imagine the anticlimax of reading: Sorry, you’ve run out of profiles in your area! Expand your search.
Rather than up my distance to 30km to include the hinterlands (let’s be realistic peoples) – what else is there? Age. And we're all here to unpack how I found myself sliding that scale down instead of up…
I'm open to new experiences? To be fair, this is not entirely unexplored territory for me. I’ve always had a tendency to date younger guys.
I'm avoiding commitment? It’s plausible. Where can I find my next relationship? Probably not with the second year USYD student who’s working part-time at Crown Casino and spending his other time vaping and planning his first-ever Contiki trip.
I want to have fun? I say if you’re going to have fun – do it right. And once I clicked ‘save preferences’ and waited excitedly as the algorithm reconfigured itself, just WOW at the profiles that started piling in. These guys are hot. H O T. So much hotter than they were when I was that age.
So how did it go?
THE ONE WITH BRACES (22yo)
Can I distract you from the title momentarily to mention that this was a lovely date?
He took me to a fancy bar – that he found and booked, and paid for - where I had one too many dirty martinis, got a little drunk and invited him back to my place before slowly sobering up during Mulan and realising I didn’t want this to go any further than sharing some late-night instant noodles.
I've never kissed anyone with braces when we all had them, and it’s unfortunate to now say that I have.